During my vacation I was able to look over the notes I took during Emmaus Forum, a Christian worldview camp that is hosted on the campus of Biola University. As I am not at all eloquent in describing things that overwhelm me, I was surprised when I found a jounal entry that grants functional clarity to my outlook on life right now. (I think there is a significance to be seen here in that the jounal entry was directed towards God) So before I attempt to conquer the complexities of the class that is Foundations of American Thought (God Help me), I thought it'd be nice to start off this way. Here's the entry:
7/11/07
I am both in awe and wonder at the beauty I see. God has been so wonderful that I am speechless. I haven't flt this excited about the world I live in for a long, long time. This beauty, this excitement, this wonder, they all come from God. I'm thinking, engaging, and admiring things that are far too wonderful for me. Yet by God's grace I'm allowed to live and to wonder. Is there a diference in wandering and wondering? This desire for more, this need to be something or someone I'm not, this aching void to feel, to grow, to truly live and work toward all that I am meant to be in Christ, that is purpose. that I have been blessed with this knowledge is beautiful beyond words. God is wonderful, close, distant, attainable awe-full, both a part of me and everything I'm not. And yet, I'm afraid. Is this all a dream. will I go home and forget about all this until the next time I get a spiritual high? Will I fall back into the complacency and lethargy that I've fallen back into countless times? Lord, help me. I am weak. help me to want to want to love you. this connection between the God I serve and my everyday life. I don't want this to end. and I don't think it ever has to. Thank You Lord, for everything. Help me be like You. I want to know you more.
Amen.
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