My Dog (How's That for a Captivating Title?)

So, I have an amazingly adorable dog:

Who, unfortunately, has ADD (Can dogs even be diagnosed with that?):

I love her, of course, but at times, she can be quite a handful. This fact was especially apparent today, when I was taking out the trash cans. As I opened the backyard door, a bolt of furry energy barreled past me and straight into the cul-de-sac. At this point I was debating the effectiveness of yelling expletives while my feet were carrying me around the corner, frantically chasing my dog who was speeding along at roughly Mach 3. After about ten blocks, a cramp or two and quite a few evil thoughts involving a meat grinder and a certain female dog, I finally catch the little, 55-pound Goldendoodle. Of course, at this point, I launch into a formulaic lecture (in a very harsh tone) about ungratefulness, naughtiness, and the best way to send a dog through a meat grinder.

When we finally reach home, I make sure she understands her wrong-doing and vow not to even pet her for two days. Then this happened:

Look at those eyes! Yes, I know, how cruel and cold hearted of me, how could I ever think of punishing such an adorable creature? Well, it's pretty obvious that the no-petting policy was quickly done away with and widdle snookums bathed in the sunshine of favor once again. It's a dog eat dog world out there.