A Confession

Self Reflection is often a good thing.

In looking over my past blog posts, I see now how I was able to worry much less back then.

Partly it was because I didn't have as much to worry about.

But mostly it was because I spent an hour daily in communion with God.

I confess, I've slowly and imperceptibly but surely shifted my focus so that even though I'm at Biola, all this time I've been thinking, "It's by my power that I'm here", "this is my education", "this is my time to shine", etc, etc.

I haven't been talking with God as much or spending enough time in His Word as I ought to.

Besides being just downright silly, I've noticed that my personality, my way of being in the world reverts back to what I would be without Christ (It only makes sense that if you don't stay connected to the vine, you start withering!) - a craven, sick, wobbly, anxious, needy, insecure twit.

"Overcome us, Lord, that so overcome, we might be ourselves"

I don't know if it's Athanasius, or Williams, or Lewis, or the Bible, but one or several or all of them have this idea that since God is Being (unqualified), as we are restored by Christ to right relation towards God (i.e. Loving rightly) we are also being restored to our true selves, our true being. In other words, as we journey closer to the Heart of reality, we consequently become more Real, more truly ourselves than we ever could have been if we had tried to stray (See Augustine's conception of Good and Evil).

Evil is literally negative - that is, it negates what is truly real.

But then again, what do we mean by real?

All this is to say,

He truly is the Person in whom we "live, move, and have our being".

Lord God have mercy on me, a sinner.

All that I am and ever will be, I owe to God.

I'm going to start living out that fact again.

Under His Mercy,

Gabriel