What Music Means to Me

The following is a something I wrote for a recital in the program notes. Questions, comments, critiques are very welcome:

I have been asked to write down some thoughts about what music means to me. I shall begin then, with a short account of my own experience with music. My love of music began (I am almost ashamed to say) from selfish reasons. When I was 10, I read an article about how classical music makes ones IQ go up. Being a snobbish little boy I threw myself into my parent’s Mozart collection which amounted to about 10CDs. All the while, I constantly chanted this mantra to myself: “this will make me smarter, this will make me smarter” add infinitum. Like a musical moron I would vigorously nod my head up and down with the rhythm of the symphony or when the music became grand and exciting I’d wave my hands around frantically as if I were conducting an invisible symphony. Can you imagine what I must’ve looked like? In fact, I would look into the mirror sometimes and practice my I-am-deeply-in-musical-thought look and try to seem very profound, I mostly ended up looking constipated. Thank God something good came of this egoism! As I became more and more familiar with the pieces, I found that I actually enjoyed listening to them for their own sake. I didn’t really even know why yet, I just liked listening. My initial enjoyment began to spill over into a liking for other composers. In addition to Mozart’s music, I began listening to Elgar, Dvorak, Beethoven, Puccini, and then it hit me: I had discovered the Second Piano Concerto of Rachmaninoff. Diane Ackerman, a poet, describes this piano concerto as one that is:
…
full of tenderness and yearning,
beguiling melodies, raging passion,
and long sensuous preludes
to explosive climaxes,
frenzy followed by strains
of mysticism and trance.

Loaded with starry melodies,
it was a map of his sensibility,
and a wilderness rarely known
-the intense life of an artist
seen in miniature, with rapture expressed
as all-embracing sound.

But words do not come close, I think, to describing what it is like to listen to that music. How can I describe that aural experience which ravishes my entire being and makes me weep to hear such beauty? The answer is, I think, that we wouldn’t have music if we could fully describe it in words. Descriptions of Rachmaninoff can only go so far, you will have to listen to it yourself.

If I thought that discovering Rachmaninoff was something, imagine how it must have shaken my world to find Bach! Oh Bach! What a colossal syllable! I shall not even try to tell you the love, humility, and goodwill that his music inspires in me. This is what Leonard Bernstein says, “…once you do get to know Bach well enough to love him, you will love him more than any other composer. I know this because I went through the same process myself.” Further on he states,

And what is it that holds all these pages together, that makes it all inevitably the product of one man? The religious spirit. For Bach, all music was religion; writing it was an act of faith; and performing it was an act of worship. Every note was dedicated to God and to nothing else…Every last cello suite or violin sonata, every prelude and fugue from The Well-Tempered Clavier praises God…Bach…was a man of God, and his godliness informs his music from first to last (The Joy of Music, 237-277).

And with that, I come to my point. The fundamental value of music is in its ability to make us better people. Rather than just a hobby or something we teach children because it will make them “smart” (which it will). Classical music is an education of the heart. It is a vital part of forming a person’s character for the better. Now realize that I am not saying that you need music to be a good person, after all, the Nazis also listened to Schubert, but music makes it that much easier to love God and to love your fellow man. While the music lasts, I am in wonder and awe before its beauty. It’s almost as heady as being in love with someone, and perhaps it is just that – love – I mean. I do love music. And though my fingers stutter and mumble across the keys trying desperately to incarnate that love, I still do it; rather, I play because I love. In the last act of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, we are given a very good model of what all our praises to God are like when the King of Athens comments on the bumbling and ridiculous play of the builders is put on in the King’s honor,

Our sport shall be to take what they mistake,
And what poor duty cannot do, noble respect
Takes it in might, not merit.
Where I have come, great clerks have purposed
To greet me with premeditated welcomes;
Where I have seen them shiver and look pale,
Make periods in the midst of sentences,
Throttle their practiced accent in their fears,
And, in conclusion, dumbly have broke off,
Not paying me a welcome. Trust me, sweet,
Out of this silence yet I picked a welcome,
And in the modesty of fearful duty
I read as much as from the rattling tongue
Of saucy and audacious eloquence.
Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity
In least speak most, to my capacity (Act V.90-105).

If you skipped over that long quote, don’t worry about it, I mostly put it there to sound smart. The point is that the king took the stuttering praises of his servants and accounted those jumbled and messy attempts as eloquent speeches because of their love for him. In the same way, God will take our intention and count it as the act. If we will commit the time we spend in practicing and playing this music (like Bach) as a form of worship towards God, then it will mean something; otherwise, recitals are simply mutual admiration societies. We have mechanical piano players to do that. We come here not just to listen to those we know and admire the talent and hard work that has been put into these pieces, we come here also to participate in and experience beauty, beauty that at its root is from God. Life itself becomes more wonderful because such beauty exist. That’s what music means to me, it is one of the ways in which we are led to God. Where would I be without music?

MTAC Piano Convention

Okay, so back from Piano Covention. Recital was standard procedure. =]

Now the really really cool thing was the Piano Concerto Competition. There was a ten year old playing Beethoven's first Concerto. An 11 year old playing Mozart's 24th. (I know!!! It's okay, I feel bad too). A 14 year old playing Beethoven's 5th Concerto and (wonder of wonders) a 15 year old playing third movement of Rachmaninoff's 3rd!!! It was quite amazing to say the least. =] And there was a 17 year old playing Prokofiev's 2nd, a 19-20 year old playing the First Movement of Rach's 2nd. And a 20-24 year old playing Saint-Saens' 2nd. Yeah. Wow.

Here were the demographics:

Asian.....Asian......Asian.....Asian....Asian....Asian.....Asian.......and....(think again!).....Russian!

Of course I've been spoiled by the great performers of these concertos (Argerich, Rachmaninoff, Lang Lang, Richter, etc.) so you could tell that they're performance still lacked experience (I'm just being picky here), but just to be able to even play these pieces is a titanic achievement at such a young age! (They each played a movement from the work). Especially the Rachmaninoff 3rd which is arguably the hardest piece of piano music ever written. (Listz would contend for that). =]

Quite inspiring. *nod nod* Now back to work.

Slightly Better News...

The little flaps of skin in between my fingers are sore but I think if I really really really stretch hard enough I can reach them.

Some words from a master:

"Of course a very small hand will never achieve that feeling of freedom (and of might!), I would say of "mightiness" and "power" which is inherent in large hands able without discomfort or effort to grasp the biggest multipart chords and which is, so to say, their birthright. (Imagine, for instance, Anton Rubinstein's lion's paws, or the enormous soft and powerful hands of Rachmaninov). Small hands in such cases will not be able to forego the subterfuges, the ability to manage in a difficult situation which they acquired over the years by dint of hard work and not without the help of the intellect. In short, they turn their drawbacks into advantages and that is, of course, victory of the spirit over the flesh and consequently particularly precious. But, nevertheless, they will never be able to compare fully with hands which do not need any subterfuge and which, acting by instinct, at once, like nature itself, subjugate the piano and reign over it unchallenged. I know I shall be damned for this discouraging statement, "all wrong from the psychological point of view". But in fact there is nothing discouraging in this. One must reason soberly and not dodge reality. I often preach to my pupils that one plays with piano first of all with the head and ear and ony then with the hands, and that it is possible to play very well with "bad" hands and very badly with "good" hands. This is already a great consolation for those who need it."

-Heinrich Neuhaus from The Art of Piano Playing

I think he (Neuhaus) had even smaller hands then I! (He had problems with his middle [second third and fourth] fingers touching keys when he played octaves) But just listen to him play!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-UCUVtd2gA&feature=related

I'm encouraged. =] Besides. There is (Gasp!) more (much much much more) to life than Rachmaninoff.

Isn't God good? =]

Treasures Earned

Oooookaaay so, good news. =]

My good friend (who played the Rachmaninoff No. 2 with her friend in highschool) let me borrow the copy of the concerto (with orchestra piano parts). And (Gasp!) offered to let me have it (what a treasure!) if I could play the first page for her by next week. !!! *Many many many smiles*

You can bet I'll get started on it right away...

Oh, and I watched Wicked at Pentageus (Is that how you spell it). It was very well done. I might post something about it... A very thought provoking musical. Liked it very very much.

Its late, I'm tired, Happy Summering! =]

Nevermind...

After a good ole lesson I'm now working on different pieces. =]

Bach: Italian Concerto, 3rd Movement
Beethoven: Tempest Sonata
Rachmaninoff: Moment Musicaux no. 4
Chopin: Op. 10 No. 3
Dohnanyi: Four Rhapsodies, No. 3

Still gonna be a ton of work. =\
Prayers are very much appreciated. =]

Hope everyone is well.

Annabelle

Yes, that is my piano's name.

Anna=Graceful.

Belle=Beauty.

Anna+Belle=Graceful Beauty.

The pictures don't do the sound justice, but...

The photos are on Flickr. =]

http://www.flickr.com/photos/21865027@N03/sets/72157603467275652/

I plan to name my (future) daughter Annabelle, by the way. NOT after my piano. This like a sort of bent back on itself naming. Piano named after daughter, not other way around. =]

WHOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!!!

My family got a Grand Piano.

Is it Big?

Yes.

Is it Powerful?

Yes.

Is it Beautiful?

Yes.

Is it Totally Awesome?!

Uh.......YEAH!!!!!

mhmmm after a few hours of playing I can safetly say it is all of thee above and more...pictures....later....[yawn]. =]

Piano = Much Good.

Finally!

I had my piano exam today. Ugh. I love piano but I don't like stress (Who does?) Although memorizing a Bach Invention is not an amazing accomplishment (to some) it was for me, mostly because I did it in TWO DAYS! Not that it's anything to be proud of, of course, but I did do it in TWO DAYS! But seriously, I don't think I've ever been so shaky in memorization before. I sat on my small cramped and incredibly uncomfortable stool for 8 hours on wednesday and about 5 on thursday....right before the exam. Well, my teacher says I have to refine the piece, but life is good. Now I can Finally start on Locke! I'm pretty sure I passed theory.