Curiously Curious

Spiritual Gravity

2011-10-07T22:14:00.001-07:00

When I was younger, I once visited an exhibition on the life and the works of Einstein. Besides the famous equation (E=mc2) the thing that I remember most vividly was the visual demonstration of gravity. The tour guide spread a spandex-like material over the four corners of a wooden box (the top had been taken off). She pointed at the spandex and said, "This, is the space time continuum." Next she held up a metal sphere and said, "This, is any old planetary mass" and as she dropped the sphere on the spandex she confidently asserted, "This is gravity - when an object of mass warps the fabric of space and time". She then gently rolled three silver-metal BBs across the spandex and as one of the tiny spheres passed the larger one its momentum carried it right to the edge of the dip in the spandex before it faltered and was pulled into the gravity of the Larger Sphere. I was fascinated.

I feel this to be true of the spiritual as well as the physical.

There is such a thing as Spiritual Gravity. As a person who has been at times driven by selfishness, fear, and anger, I find myself in my worst moments to be very much like the metal sphere. I work so hard to warp everything around me into an extension of myself. I begin viewing books as means of gaining more understanding and things not worthwhile in themselves but worthwhile only in making me seem more intelligent. The people around me become means of satisfying my needs and want and become important to me only in so far as they grant me a better picture of myself.

And my attitude towards the World affects those around me tremendously. Especially those I am in closest contact with, my classmates, my family, my friends, my mentors and teachers.

The opposite is true too. When I feel loved and liked and cared for and at peace with God and myself, my interaction with the World is fraught with joy, wonder, and compassion.

So I commend Self-Awareness to you:

“Self-awareness [as opposed to introspection] is attentiveness to my way of relation to people and things. In particular, it involves understanding how my outlook affects the way I see the world and how it affects the world itself. This self-aware life does not accept that there is a private world of introspection and a public world of action. It insists that my interaction with the world includes my attitudes as well as my actions.”

-Abbot Christopher Jamison “Finding Happiness”

Bottom Line: Insist on living a life that is self-aware and thus alive to ones interaction with the world. Why? Because I can only change if I am aware of the thing that needs changing – namely, me.

In Which I Begin Again

2011-07-22T01:34:00.000-07:00

It's been a while. So many things have happened since I last wrote here. Hopefully, this will be a chance to create something new. And a chance to practice. And to Endure.

Shoot. I'm so glad this Exists.

2010-08-03T08:38:00.001-07:00

Dante Alighieri Academy

Poem From the Fridge

2010-07-26T16:13:00.000-07:00

I saw bits of the first line already there and composed the rest. Enjoy!

Treasure Chests

2010-07-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

There's a book I once read.
About a man whose body became a diving bell.
Trapped and locked-in with only his blinking left eye to communicate with the world.

And so he became a collector - a collector of memories
The meals are always delicious if you get to choose the best ones you've had.
And so are the moments.

I'm not trapped, nor do I seek to be.
But I like his idea.
And so I keep a treasure box in my mind.
A place to store away those moments that I love
And bring them out to glitter in the sun when the need arises

A feast with friends
The light that falls upon the golden cross atop an altar.
A lake in England with the gentle rain pattering upon its surface the fog rolling in and mountains looming on the furthest shores.
The halo that the setting sun forms as it dances with her hair
The first time I heard Rachmaninoff's 2nd.
The love I feel for those whom I know and who know me.

I could go on.

But really, you should make your own.

Happy Collecting.

An Affirmation on the Way

2010-04-25T17:56:00.000-07:00

There is such an incredibly rich tension in the paradox of faith.

It's visceral.

There is no salvation apart from Christ

and yet to have faith in Christ means living that out in works.

On one hand 'cheap grace' is not the grace of Christ,

but on the other, works without faith is dead.

That knife's edge that avoids both and yet holds both in tension...that's the rub.

One thing that I do know, I am a sinner apart from Jesus (present tense!), and it is His work that saves me.

I cannot be saved through faith in myself.

Having faith in Him means thinking about Him, talking with Him, reading His word, doing His work - Loving Him in the fullest sense of the word.

In Him is found true joy, true peace, true rest.

To Him belong my best and highest.

He is the end of all my striving.

"For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome." (1 Jn 5:3)

Because of these facts, I humbly, but firmly affirm: "there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his." (Hebrews 4:9-10).

Notes on Hong Kong

2010-04-15T17:28:00.000-07:00

Hong Kong is one of those places where the squalid comes together with the luxurious and trendy like runny ink from two different colored pens.

In the midst of some of the narrower streets its hard to see the sky. As if being crammed full of jutting advertisements and blaring car horns wasn't enough, both sides of the road are flanked by skyscraper apartment buildings at least 20 stories high. After all, you've gotta live somewhere when you're trying to fit 7 million people in an area roughly the size of the area from La Mirada to Yorba Linda.

Yet, if you get into one of those apartment buildings (the one's called 'mansions' anyway) the 22 floor has a spacious and commanding view of the harbor, the airport, the park, and most of the Hong Kong skyline.

In fact, Hong Kong truly lives up to its origins as the center of trade in south east Asia and a former British Colony.

For example:

They drive on the left side of the road, and the driver's side is on the right - not the left.

English and Chinese signs are alternately and often simultaneously displayed in ads, storefronts, etc.

The whole of the city/country is chok full of Shopping places. Every brand name you've ever heard of and some you probably haven't show up here.

And what struck me most was the fact that most of the ads feature fair skinned models which were starkly contrasted with the sheer amount of my people who were buying the merchandise. (97% Chinese population!)

One can have Dim Sum for lunch and go for Afternoon Tea a couple hours later.

You can get everywhere by Subway, Bus, or Taxi...much like New York.

If there was ever a place where East met West - it'd be in Hong Kong. (And Singapore! As it so happens, my parents are from both those places).

The language is also quite fascinating, I've yet to find a language that is as expressive, flexible, and immediately casual and intimate as Cantonese. Even if it's two complete strangers, the moment one starts using Cantonese, it sounds as if they've known each other for years.

The funny thing is that Cantonese is really a dialect of Mandarin which is the official Chinese language. The writing is the same, but Mandarin speakers and Cantonese speakers respectively see each other's languages as 'the chinese with the funny accents'.

It's hard to find Hong Kong Residents who can speak both fluently.

..........

Hong Kong's a busy and fast paced city...and its lifestyle is more resilient to the gospel than a lot of other places. Plenty of distractions. I've had some pretty interesting experiences there...more of that later.

What Does it Mean to Live Intentionally?

2010-02-24T11:37:00.000-08:00

I was looking through some old bubbs emails and came across this:

In thinking over this question[What does it mean to live intentionally], I was motivated to re-examine why I follow Christ. Now I'm not completely done with this yet (Both as for now and perpetually, as we should never stop examining why we follow Him), but for the sake of a great disscussion, I encourage you all to crack open our old Inkling texts to "The Weight of Glory", the "Practical Romance" of "Orthodoxy" and "Burnt Norton" from "The Four Quartets". But just to start us off, I think the reason we follow Christ and why it's not futile is because there is an undeniable desire for him that was built-in to us. It also has to do with the idea of a "Practical Romance" (I know, I know, it's that pesky term that we all spent two weeks banging our heads over) something that is at once familiar and comfortable yet exciting and ultimately fulfilling. Just some appetizers to chew on. As Lewis says, "Further Up and Further In!"

Hum....

Hermeneutics and Heresies

2010-01-25T19:17:00.000-08:00

When I was a wee little lad of sixteen I actually ended up having an argument with my Grandmother about the personified Wisdom of Proverbs 8. It seemed to me that it was impossible for that passage to have referred to Christ for several reasons.

1) Christ was not yet incarnated, hence, how could Solomon be talking about Jesus?
2) The text only said Wisdom, and not anything else, so of course it couldn't be talking about Jesus!
3) Darn it, I was determined to show off my newly acquired hermeneutical snobbery after a good dose of Walt Russell.

Thank God that didn't last very long (I still need to tell my Grandmother that I agree with her now)! The second Person of the Trinity always existed and will always exist answering the first point. 2) Of course Solomon couldn't have mentioned Jesus, He was not yet incarnate! But it just goes to show that the doctrine of the Trinity is not a newly created "christian' idea, it is deeply rooted in the Old Testament and finds its clearest expression in the New. God is three Persons of one essence. 3) I am still at a loss as to how I should practice hermeneutics...and poor Mr. Russell who has to have me as a student! I should pull out "Playing with Fire" again! =D

Lord Jesus have mercy on us who unwittingly commit heresy! Guide us into all truth - your Truth. Amen.

Happy Hermeneutics!

If You've Never...

2010-01-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

If you've never sat down for pizza with a Malaysian drug dealer...it's quite an experience. haha

In Which Tigger Goes to the Movies...

2009-12-18T00:17:00.000-08:00

So I just got finished watching "The Brothers Bloom" and I must say, I haven't been that thoroughly entertained, bamboozled, made-to-think-I-knew-exactly-what-was-going-to-happen-and-then-having-the-rug-pulled-out-from-under-my-feet from a movie since "The Prestige".

One. Heck. Of. A. Movie.

The execution is not quite as clean as "The Prestige" and the tone is much different. It's a much more learned film and by that I mean that it has many many literary references and many many more layers, but as a consequence it does feel very muddy. I went in expecting something like "Ocean's 11" and I got blown out of the water. I had as much fun on this ride as I did in "Ocean's" but it was also as gripping as "the Prestige" and quirky and myth like as "Big Fish".

It's quirky, hilarious, fun, but also at the end it leaves you with this Agggghhhh feeling like a "What just happened!" Ahhhh!!!

There are so many good lines from the script. And so many unanswered questions.

The story is about two brothers: Stephen and Bloom. Bloom's real name isn't really Bloom, but his first name is so ridiculously embarrassing that he just goes by Bloom. The two of them grew up together bouncing from foster home to foster home and eventually became con men and have been at it for 25 years. (I tell the synopsis horribly, but you'll forgive me, this is Tigger's first review). Stephen writes the story's and Bloom acts them out conning their "marks" out of their money. But after so many years of it all, Bloom becomes disillusioned and quits. Stephen of course convinces him to do one last con and that begins the most fascinating series of situations I've seen in a very long while.

I haven't felt this excited about talking about a film with friends since "Big Fish" at Emmaus Forum!

There are references to Ulysses, The Odyssey, Hermann Melville, and a whole host of other fun stuff. The film wrestles a lot with the stories we tell to others and ourselves (myths I think is the word - maybe? [I say that intending the meanings a Torreyite might attach to that word]) and the line between reality and fiction.

For now, I feel like I need to process it a lot more before I can make a call on whether it is a Good film (Yes, that is a capital "G") but for now I think I can say it is a good film. ("Big Fish", by the way, was a good film, but it was not a Good film)

I was definitely surprised.

"That was the best card trick I've ever seen!"

Anywhoo, go watch it y'all it's worth it - plus, Adrien Brody's in it, and you can't go wrong with that!

If anyone watches it or has watched it, I'd love to discuss!

A-

P.S. I also watched Howl's Moving Castle, Gladiator, The Proposal, and The Blind Side within the past 48 hours...yeah, I went a little crazy =P

Don't worry I won't subject you to my reviews on those films, but I do have to say that I really really really liked Howl's moving Castle and would like to discuss that as well =]

Reflections on the Torah

2009-12-01T00:13:00.000-08:00

So, this first semester in Torrey we read through the Pentateuch. And to quickly summarize my thoughts.

1) My whole conception of the first five books of the bible before this trip through the actual books was dominated by the Creation account (2 Chapters) and the ten commandments as stated in Exodus 20. I didn't even know that Balaam was in Numbers! I always thought he was in Kings!

2) I often wondered how people survived on just the OT for so many hundreds and even thousands of years. After reading through the first five books, I guess I could summarized it by saying, "Wow! There's SOOO much stuff in here!"

3) God in the OT is often stereotyped as mean, vindictive, judgmental, and harsh. Reading through the Five, I'm pretty much pat convinced that this stereotype is pretty false. The God of the OT is the same as the one of the NT.

4) Which brings me to my fourth observation, the Israelites are IDIOTS, but I'm sooo much like them. Case in point:

This thanksgiving weekend I was visiting my old elementary school and I passed by a tree. It wasn't any old tree, there was a plaque under it "September 11, 2001 - We will never forget". Flashback to when I was 9, I remember watching my teachers and my principal (at the time) planting that tree. I remember where I was during that day. But to be totally honest, I've forgotten much. The event, though huge and traumatic, has truly been pushed to the back of my mind. Could it not be the same with the parting of the Red Sea, or the Wonders of the Wilderness?

(Cummins is in the room right now and for about 5 minutes he convinced me that his skin was like superman's and he's never bled in his life. Darn. I'm gullible. =P) (We ended up talking till 2:00 am about Loving God rightly, the commandments, the Sabbath, faces, authenticity, personhood in Christ)

All in all, the Scriptures are beautiful, and in them is life. Christ is, after all, the Word.

A Declaration

2009-11-28T11:28:00.001-08:00

Something I signed and I hope you will too:

http://manhattandeclaration.org

2009-11-23T22:43:00.000-08:00

I don't think anyone likes this wishy-washy, insecure, overly-dramatic(though it doesn't feel like it, but it probably looks like it), worrying, worrying, worrying side of me. (Including me). "Be true to yourself." Bah Humbug.

Meta Torrey's Are Awesome!

2009-11-15T10:33:00.000-08:00

It seems like when I enter the dialectical process with people, at the end of it, somehow, someway I come tumbling out loving the people I've gone through it with.

I realized yesterday why my closest and best friends are the by and large those whom I have dialogued deeply with.

It's because we see each other's souls in discussion, no more pretense, no presumption, it's a chance to look deeply at a thing outside ourselves and in so doing come to a greater love for each other.

Not that Philosophy's only merit is in bringing people to love one another, but for me, it is at least that.

Looking for the answer to life's big questions and then seeking to live them out.

When it's done right, people become authentic in a way that I just haven't been able to find anywhere else.

Here's to baring our souls so that Christ might somehow, someway conform us closer to His Image.

Good Day!

A Confession

2009-10-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

Self Reflection is often a good thing.

In looking over my past blog posts, I see now how I was able to worry much less back then.

Partly it was because I didn't have as much to worry about.

But mostly it was because I spent an hour daily in communion with God.

I confess, I've slowly and imperceptibly but surely shifted my focus so that even though I'm at Biola, all this time I've been thinking, "It's by my power that I'm here", "this is my education", "this is my time to shine", etc, etc.

I haven't been talking with God as much or spending enough time in His Word as I ought to.

Besides being just downright silly, I've noticed that my personality, my way of being in the world reverts back to what I would be without Christ (It only makes sense that if you don't stay connected to the vine, you start withering!) - a craven, sick, wobbly, anxious, needy, insecure twit.

"Overcome us, Lord, that so overcome, we might be ourselves"

I don't know if it's Athanasius, or Williams, or Lewis, or the Bible, but one or several or all of them have this idea that since God is Being (unqualified), as we are restored by Christ to right relation towards God (i.e. Loving rightly) we are also being restored to our true selves, our true being. In other words, as we journey closer to the Heart of reality, we consequently become more Real, more truly ourselves than we ever could have been if we had tried to stray (See Augustine's conception of Good and Evil).

Evil is literally negative - that is, it negates what is truly real.

But then again, what do we mean by real?

All this is to say,

He truly is the Person in whom we "live, move, and have our being".

Lord God have mercy on me, a sinner.

All that I am and ever will be, I owe to God.

I'm going to start living out that fact again.

Under His Mercy,

Gabriel

The Importance of (Not) Worrying

2009-10-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

My goodness! Can you believe the amount of stress and burden and downright ickyiness you can add to yourself just by being worried about things?

Oh, my poor roommate and friends! I pity the people who have to be around me when I'm in my icky moods!

And it's funny how prophetic you can be regarding these things. If you think and dwell upon worry (not even the thing you're worried about but the worry itself) it starts exponentially multiplying because you worry about your worry and how your worry is affecting and harming those around you.

In other news, I took a 1:00 am awesome bike ride to Albertsons last night. Which was fun! It felt like flying. (The Brittons have awesome bikes)

Midrags when splendiferously and I'm quite chipper about that.

And Its sooooo good not to have pressure in regards to romantic relationships and such.

At least for me, I find that this maxim works so so well, "When you play, play, when you pray, pray" And so on for all things.

So here's to NOT worrying about things and driving everyone around me INSANE. ;)

My sincere apologies to Mr. Jonathan Diaz who has had a rough week (mostly probably because of me) =/

I'll do my best not to worry so much anymore. =] HAVE FAITH!

A Few Weeks In

2009-09-26T00:25:00.000-07:00

So, a general what-I-have-learned-in-the-first-few-weeks-of-College:

1) I am a very very selfish and prideful person.

2) Sleep is ooooh so good.

3) College isn't as easy as I thought it'd be.

4) Gabriel + Romantic Fuzzy movies (Whisper of the Heart, Emma) = Varied and Interesting Reactions...

5) Friendship is like the lowest note of a Steinway Grand, it's like a bedrock for your soul that sounds the depths of your being. You can't help but want to be a better person and wishing in some way to be worthy of that friendship. (And you also can't help but cringe at a lousy simile.) ;) It's as if God shows Himself to us through the kindness of our friends and for a moment, we glimpse Heaven.

6) I'm rather horrible with remembering people's names...

7) Chemistry and Calculus don't like me...at all. sigh. >__<

8) Family is a gift that should never be taken for granted.

9) I don't want to be a monk... =P

10) I have a long, long, long way to go in becoming a good man.

The Marshmallow Test

2009-09-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

A wonderfully hilarious illustration.

It's a famous psychology test...

What does this have to do with how successful a person becomes in life? (hint: there is a correlation)

On the Biola Bubble

2009-09-12T23:41:00.000-07:00

Just a few things I've noticed after being in college for 3 weeks:

I haven't heard a single cuss word on campus.

People actually care enough to skip over a needless sex scene in a movie.

I can talk to people about Dante without seeing eyes glaze over.

We can pray together as a class.

We can share openly and freely about what God has done and is doing in our lives.

There is such a focus on ministering to the community.

I can talk to my mentors about anything.

Some of my best friends live a couple hundred yards away (or closer).

We can have devotions together.

The Ratio is pretty awesome. ;)

GYRAD is coming up.

Torrey is here.

I know I came to the right place.

Yeah...Right...

2009-09-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

This happened last night:

Christian Cummins comes to the door at like 12:30 at night.

I look at him with a are-you-sure-you-want-to-be-here-cause-I've-got-chemistry-and-calculus-homework-due-tomorrow look.

He assures me, "I'm just coming here to read, Choo - I promise."

hah. hah. hah.

We end up talking till 4:00 with me waking him up at like 4:30 to finish an argument.

College is gonna be gooooood. =P

In the Midst of Starting College...

2009-08-26T00:38:00.000-07:00

I should be reading the Iliad, but I wanted to write down some thoughts that have been running through my head.

1) The next four years are going to go by faster than I want them to. God must redeem the time, for I cannot.

2) Please pray for the Snyder family, they just lost a daughter and Mr. Snyder is in critical condition...

3) The essence of a Godly man is someone who does not shy away from duty but rather embraces it and rejoices in it - not the frivolous semblance of false grin-and-bear-it types, but a deep and abiding faith in God in Whom we live, move, and have our being.

4) The intellectual, physical, moral, spiritual, psychological, and monetary gifts that have been bestowed upon me and will be given me by God through teachers, mentors, peers, and friends are not mine for the hoarding, rather, the Goodness, Truth, and Beauty that I possess and will possess are given to me so that I can bless others with them. To him who has, more shall be given. The greatest of you shall be the servant of all. It is Humility and Service that define the great in Christ's Kingdom.

5) My worst fear is to have squandered all my gifts and to look back upon my life and say, "If only I had done more for Christ!". I want to be remembered in death as a man who loved Jesus - whatever I am called to do, I want to here my Master say, "Well done thou good and faithful servant, enter into thy Master's rest"

College is...

I'll tell you when I finish. =]

When Books Grow Limbs...

2009-07-07T15:59:00.000-07:00

I love books.

In fact, the main decor of my room is books.

Every inch of desk space is covered with them.

and it's beginning to overflow my room...

And that is the point when Books actually begin to become lost.

Before I could easily find a book that I wanted because *looks* there it was on the corner of the third shelf on the left side of the room.

But now when I'm looking for The Writing Life (Annie Dillard) I look around, smile at the ocean of books surrounding me, shrug my shoulders, and decide that it'd probably be easier just to buy another copy from Amazon. ;)

Now, finding the Odyssey is a Quest! (Not Ironic at all!)

I may have a problem....but just maybe.

sniffles

2009-07-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

While most of my Friends will be at Wheatstone...

I'll be at an Evangelism Camp.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*breathes* *sniffles* sigh

I'll be okay...just barely. (Heh, if it wasn't anything less than saving souls I doubt I could've been herded into going!)

But you guys had better post pictures and tell me all about it when I get back.

Promise? ;)

And there's always next year! =D =D =D And I'm only 17!!! (Age limit is 19!)

Coeur d'Coeurs

2009-07-04T02:47:00.000-07:00

There's a mansion by the sea.

It's a large, rambling mansion with many nooks and crannies.
It's in the late Victorian style, although new parts are coming in everyday.
In the main hall way, underneath the chandelier, past the grand staircase, there's a library.
All four walls are covered with books.
Well worn and beloved books.
The fire crackles and pops cheerily,
with an occasional spark drifting upwards into the chimney.
The furnishing is oak,
rich and ancient oak,
and it smells like warm chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream
and the heat from the fire feels like warm sunshine - the kind that seeps into your bones and stays with you.
There are a couple of armchairs here. High-backed and deep. And the footstool is just the right height
so that your back never tires
and the arm rest? - level so that your neck need not complain.
There's hot chocolate too. Two cups. And witty banter and "good lucks!"

"Well Lewis says this..."

"...What a nice tie you're wearing!"

"Williams thinks...",

"Aquinas would disagree"

"I admit the Third Concerto is more complex and masculine, but surely you must love the Second Concerto more - it's Rach 2!"

"Romance is not dead!"

"Beauty is Objective!"

"Dante!!!"

Laughter-of course- is quite happy to be here.

Bach has brought his Cello and sings to us through the gramophone.

Friendship's here too.

The deep, nutritious kind (eat your greens!) that you can take with you on long trips from home and bring out from your box of treasures and hold against the light when you're feeling rather down.
Or rather, the kind that seeps into your bones and warms you through and through and doesn't leave when the sun goes gloriously into the West.
There are some tears over spilled milk,
but who wouldn't sniffle over the chance at a perfectly blended latte?
And so it's two cups of hot chocolate for us, here, and black forest cake.

Dark Chocolate isn't so bitter when you get to share it.

What Loving a Woman can do to a Man

2009-07-02T01:01:00.000-07:00

If all I've said about her until this
were comprehended in a single praise,
now it would be too little to suffice.

I saw her beauty passing all our ways
of understanding, and believe indeed
that He alone who fashioned her enjoys

Its fullness. From this pass I must concede
myself more overcome than ever was
tragedian or comic at the peak

Of difficulty: as the sun in eyes
that tremble weakly, so my memory
of her sweet smile now robs the intellect

And leaves me at a loss. From the first day
I saw her face until this vision now,
my road to song has not been cut away,

But here, as every artist, I must bow
to my last power, and cease to follow on
her loveliness by signs in poetry.

Such beauty I must leave to a clarion
more brilliant than my trumpet to unite
clear words and arduous truth...

(Canto 30.16-34)

"Lady in whom my hope is green anew,
who suffered for my healing, and who deigned
to leave your footprints in the lands below,

It was your power and excellence that sustained
my pilgrimage to see all I have seen;
to you I owe the grace and strength I've gained.

I was a slave; you brought me liberty,
through every road I walked, by every means
you had within your power to succor me.

Preserve in me your work's magnificence
so that my soul, which you have healed, one day
will please you when it slips the body's bands."

I prayed - and she, who was as far away
as she appeared, yet smiled and looked at me;
then turned again to the eternal Spring.

(Canto 31.79-93).

I tear up every time. ='P
The greatest monument ever created for any woman.
That last line is the most important...by the way.

Poi si torno a l'etterna fontana

Classic Amateur Filmaking

2009-06-28T14:55:00.000-07:00

I think I've already posted these before...oh well.

In my humble opinion, these videos are comedy classics. =]

Enjoy!

Why Asian Guys can't get Girls.

Christina and Adriana have never gotten back to me on this question...

Disclaimer: There is some mild language in these videos. =P

Stuff I'm Watching and Listening To

2009-06-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

A Transcription of a movement from Rachmaninoff's 2nd Symphony.

Then the Real Thing.

And if that wasn't enough Romanticism, I'm watching bits and pieces of Love Actually, courtesy of a recommendation by Mr. Leigh.

=3 Poor thing. ;)

This baby.

Here's a quote:

Where did you meet your love, young man?
Where did you meet your love?
'I met my love in a noisy room
With a carven roof above.'

What did you say to your love, young man,
With all your mother wit?
'"How hot it is!" or "How do you do?"
And there was an end of it!'

Who was beside you then, young man?
Who was beside you then?
'Gaspar, Melchior, Balthazar,
And a crowd of shepard-men!'

What did you say to them, young man,
Silently, through the din?
'"Princes, when ye come in to her,
I pray you, lead me in."'

-"In the Land of Juda," from Poems of Conformity, 1917

I think Dante and Charles Williams and Sayers would have liked that scene. Especially with the Incarnational themes.

I like being named Gabriel.

Heart Song

2009-06-25T01:11:00.000-07:00

If my life were a piece of music

I'd want it to sound like Rachmaninoff.

In other words, I'm back from Russia and I love being home.

=]

Happiness is...

2009-06-20T09:22:00.000-07:00

Waking up in a soft, warm bed and knowing you can sleep in today.

Laughing and talking with friends you love.

Eating a Godiva Chocolate Champagne ball.

Seeing the Cathedral of Christ our Savior - the sun shining through the windows and lighting up the cross at the top of the altar - the cross comes alive with molten and living energy - Moving in Love. The Great Dance.

Hearing the Cathedral choir sing the liturgy.

Seeing the Rembrandt pieces at the Pushkin Museum.

Seeing St. Bartholomew in the Getty.

Seeing the Faberge display window at the State Armory in the Kremlin.

Strolling through Vancouver, B.C.

Meditating by Lake Moraine.

Watching little children smile while they sleep.

Studying in the Biola Library.

Helping my sister answer a question.

Saying exactly what you wanted to say to the people whom you wanted to say it to and in exactly the right way.

Holding a newborn.

Staying at a certain Kedron Valley Inn in Virginia in the Fall.

Reading Dante.

A warm furry dog who loves you.

Listening to Miss Romero read Eliot.

Listening to Mr. Bartel talk about Mrs. Bartel. (And most any other subject)

Listening to/playing Bach.

Listening to/playing Rachmaninoff.

Sharing Rachmaninoff with one's friend and knowing that they know what it is to be "the music while the music lasts".

Listening to/reading Dr. Esolen talk about Dante.

Listening to Dr. Reynolds talk about the West.

Listening to a Friend's insight on the text at hand.

Reading C.S. Lewis.

Reading Charles Williams and Sayers talking about Dante.

Being a part of Torrey.

Seeing the Cathedral of the Spilled Blood for the first time.

Talking about the Love of God.

Getting a delightful and long Email.

Going to Boston in the Fall.

Drinking a really yummy and warm Latte.

Sitting by a waterfall.

Knowing that because of your hard work, you've pleased those you care about and have made them proud of what you've done.

Hiking with my family in Yosemite.

Knowing that death - what was once our greatest sorrow - is now the occasion of our greatest triumph through Christ. "He trampled death by death!"

Drinking a glass of Montrachet.

Sleeping under the Stars.

Going to Wheatstone.

Opening the mailbox and finding a package from Amazon.

Being able to Drive.

Coming to class excited.

Watching two people fall in love.

Catching a strain of the "Humoresque" and grinning to friends who know what it means.

Reading a really good poem.

Christmas.

Being able to relive the wonderful memories you've had, like carrying around your personal box of wonders.

Waking up and knowing you've got a wonderful day ahead of you.

Watching a surgeon save a life.

Watching a soul come to salvation.

Being pleasantly surprised - Divinely benevolent irony - the kind where you can both laugh at yourself and be grateful that God has a wonderful sense of humor.

Seeing new connections within Great Literature.

Drinking perfectly brewed Earl Grey.

Sitting by a fire with a good book and a good snack.

Walking in brisk, cold November air as golden leaves fall around you and the sun warms your face.

Going to bed after a day well spent.

3am Epiphanies about God, Dante, Love, Affirmation, Rejection, Redemption, etc.

Lying down in a sunny field with your eyes closed.

Making a film (it's even better with friends!).

Staying up all night for a worthy cause.

Reaching the turning point where a paper finally comes together or when a passage finally makes sense.

Watching the leaves fall around your friend - in the middle of Don Rags.

Eating a really tender and juicy steak.

Canoeing on a lake by yourself in the warm rain of Washington.

Seeing Beatrice.

Being in full health.

Reading the Letters of Paul.

Many more things, but summed up in this:

Happiness means knowing God - moving in Love - and realizing that if I died today, I would die a happy man.

So Long, Farewell

2009-06-09T22:04:00.000-07:00

I'll be in Russia for the next two weeks.

Be well everyone!

And good luck to everyone on the Sound of Music!

Bye!

If today were my birthday...(Revised)

2009-06-09T00:52:00.000-07:00

I would not celebrate my birth, but the birth of the world. Because it is on this day, today, that the world was born for me.

Perhaps I should clarify.

I think it's definitely with Chesterton's help that I started on this line of thought.

You see, instead of simply celebrating my own birth, (or any of ours) isn't it more wonderful to celebrate how for me, on that day, everything came into existence?

The fact is that I was born into a world and I was given the privilege of life!

Stars existed before I was born, but how would I know of them if not for my birth?

Perhaps it is a far-fetched and forced perspective, but it makes it more wonderful for me to think of God preparing the world for us, rather than we being prepared for the world.

In fact, I think that is what Traherne means! OOOOOOHhhhhh! Mid Blogpost Epiphany!

Here's a quote:

When things are are ours in their proper places, nothing is needful but prizing to enjoy them. God therefore hath made it infinitely easy to enjoy, by making everything ours, and us able so easily to prize them. Everything is ours that serves us in its place. The Sun serves us as much as is possible, and more than we could imagine. The Clouds and Stars minister unto us, the World surrounds us with beauty, the Air refresheth us, the Sea revives the earth and us. The Earth itself is better than gold because it produceth fruits and flowers. And therefore in the beginning, was it made manifest to be mine, because Adam alone was made to enjoy it. By making one, and not a multitude, God evidently shewed one alone to be the end of the World and every one its enjoyer. For every one may enjoy it as much as He....in the midst of such rich demonstratons, you may infinitely delight in God as your Father, Friend and Benefactor, in yourself as His Heir, Child and Bride, in the whole World, as the Gift and Token of His love; neither can anything but Ignorance destroy your joys. For if you know yourself, or God, or the World, you must of necessity enjoy it (Thomas Traherne 10-11).

Did you catch the Calvin and Dante references in the last line?

Remember how Calvin speaks about all of knowledge being contained under two categories, the knowledge of man and the knowledge of God?

And how Beatrice in Canto 26 I think of Paradise talks about Vision of the Good necessarily leading to Love of the Good?

The only question I'd have for Traherne would be to ask, wasn't it "not good" for man to be alone? That's why Eve was made right?

Does that clarify why I would celebrate the birth of the world for me rather than my birth to the world?

So if today were my birthday, I would not celebrate my birth into the world, rather, I would celebrate the birth of the world, on that day, for me. And I think that's the greatest birthday present I've ever received. ;)

Culinary Hilarity

2009-06-09T00:30:00.000-07:00

I found this blog to be very attractively formatted, excellently designed, engagingly introduced, and empty. =D

Which, if you get the joke, is (IMHO) a very funny one.

That's the first blog joke I've ever seen. =]

Summer Slothfulness

2009-06-08T18:47:00.000-07:00

I think it just kicked in today. =P

I've managed to read my heart out about the Star Wars expanded universe on Wookiepedia...

Did the laundry...

I've watched all of...what did I watch again?.....Oh yes!...Pink Panther 2. Silly movie. Don't watch it unless you are willing to laugh away an hour and a half of your life.

I've also written a whole bunch of thank you emails. Unfortunately, they get repetitive after awhile.

I need to get off this couch. I need to go exercise. I need to go do something worthwhile. I need to remember that each moment counts...

I need to remember that I am living for something.

"You were bought with a price"

Not to say that enjoying oneself is bad...but it's not the Best either.

Note to self: Get off the couch you lazy bum! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and go do something! Go watch the Ants the wiseman says.

I think he may be right. =]

Let us dear friends, live this summer well.

I Took a Personality Test on Face Book...

2009-06-04T00:39:00.000-07:00

Tell me, how accurately does this describe me?

As an INTP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.
INTPs live in the world of theoretical possibilities. They see everything in terms of how it could be improved, or what it could be turned into. They live primarily inside their own minds, having the ability to analyze difficult problems, identify patterns, and come up with logical explanations. They seek clarity in everything, and are therefore driven to build knowledge. They are the "absent-minded professors", who highly value intelligence and the ability to apply logic to theories to find solutions. They typically are so strongly driven to turn problems into logical explanations, that they live much of their lives within their own heads, and may not place as much importance or value on the external world. Their natural drive to turn theories into concrete understanding may turn into a feeling of personal responsibility to solve theoretical problems, and help society move towards a higher understanding.
INTPs value knowledge above all else. Their minds are constantly working to generate new theories, or to prove or disprove existing theories. They approach problems and theories with enthusiasm and skepticism, ignoring existing rules and opinions and defining their own approach to the resolution. They seek patterns and logical explanations for anything that interests them. They're usually extremely bright, and able to be objectively critical in their analysis. They love new ideas, and become very excited over abstractions and theories. They love to discuss these concepts with others. They may seem "dreamy" and distant to others, because they spend a lot of time inside their minds musing over theories. They hate to work on routine things - they would much prefer to build complex theoretical solutions, and leave the implementation of the system to others. They are intensely interested in theory, and will put forth tremendous amounts of time and energy into finding a solution to a problem with has piqued their interest.
INTPs do not like to lead or control people. They're very tolerant and flexible in most situations, unless one of their firmly held beliefs has been violated or challenged, in which case they may take a very rigid stance. The INTP is likely to be very shy when it comes to meeting new people. On the other hand, the INTP is very self-confident and gregarious around people they know well, or when discussing theories which they fully understand.
The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don't understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions. For this reason, INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equiped to meet the emotional needs of others.
The INTP may have a problem with self-aggrandizement and social rebellion, which will interfere with their creative potential. Since their Feeling side is their least developed trait, the INTP may have difficulty giving the warmth and support that is sometimes necessary in intimate relationships. If the INTP doesn't realize the value of attending to other people's feelings, he or she may become overly critical and sarcastic with others. If the INTP is not able to find a place for themself which supports the use of their strongest abilities, they may become generally negative and cynical. If the INTP has not developed their Sensing side sufficiently, they may become unaware of their environment, and exhibit weakness in performing maintenance-type tasks, such as bill-paying and dressing appropriately.
For the INTP, it is extremely important that ideas and facts are expressed correctly and succinctly. They are likely to express themselves in what they believe to be absolute truths. Sometimes, their well thought-out understanding of an idea is not easily understandable by others, but the INTP is not naturally likely to tailor the truth so as to explain it in an understandable way to others. The INTP may be prone to abandoning a project once they have figured it out, moving on to the next thing. It's important that the INTP place importance on expressing their developed theories in understandable ways. In the end, an amazing discovery means nothing if you are the only person who understands it.
The INTP is usually very independent, unconventional, and original. They are not likely to place much value on traditional goals such as popularity and security. They usually have complex characters, and may tend to be restless and temperamental. They are strongly ingenious, and have unconventional thought patterns which allows them to analyze ideas in new ways. Consequently, a lot of scientific breakthroughs in the world have been made by the INTP.
The INTP is at his best when he can work on his theories independently. When given an environment which supports his creative genius and possible eccentricity, the INTP can accomplish truly remarkable things. These are the pioneers of new thoughts in our society.

I usually don't recommend face book quizzes, but this one was unusually and uncannily correct at many, many points.

Go take it! Look up my facebook page and scroll down on the left side bar! =]

Gratitude

2009-05-30T01:19:00.000-07:00

Gabriel Choo
Torrey Academy Banquet Speech
Delivered Friday, May 29, 2009

*Deep Breath* Torrey Academy – the final Frontier, these are the voyages of some overly intellectual students, their 3 year mission, to explore strange, unheard of authors, to seek out ancient truths and age old questions, and to boldly Read, what no normal person has ever read before!

(Joycelyn, you owe me 5 bucks)

Haha, that’s what Torrey Academy would sound like on TV.

But in all seriousness, I just wanted to express this evening, all the Gratitude and Joy I feel. If you asked me what the best thing about my education was, my answer, without a Doubt would be Torrey Academy. How can I narrow down all the wonderful, Wonderful things Torrey is to me? There are the little things: the blinking cursor on an blank screen write before you start the reflection essay that’s due tomorrow morning, the countless inside jokes and references built over hundreds of hours of discussion together, or even the time when our tutor made us go hug a tree! Then there are the big things: that first day of class, when you come out of session knowing that you don’t know anything, or that “ah hA” moment, when the concept you’ve been struggling with as a group suddenly clicks and EVERYTHING makes sense, or the Wondrous moment when you look around the room and you realize, I Love these People.

And when it comes down to it, perhaps the greatest thing the Torrey has given me is Love. Love for the deep friendships I’ve made, Love for the Breathtaking joy of being a part of this academic Community, and best of all, falling deeper in love with the Love that moves the Sun and the furthest Stars. These past 3 years have just been an Endless Chain of Goodness, Truth, and Beauty.

I suppose the best way to describe Torrey Academy would be to compare it with a stained glass window. In those piercingly beautiful sheets of structured light, I see so Many colors of glass form a Wondrous and structured whole. And as the light of the Sun is filtered through that glass and shines through it, beautiful Images of grace, redemption, and Love are silently told. Yet, these individual bits of colored glass never lose their uniqueness but find their greatest fulfillment by being a part of a greater whole. That is what Torrey is like. For in the same way that the light of the sun shines through a stained-glass window, the Light of the Son of God shines through this Community, illuminating our Hearts and our Minds with the thoughts and writings of great thinkers and Christians - of ages past.

These years have been the best of my short life and for these experiences, I will always be grateful. So thank you my friends and colleagues, Thank you Parents, Thank you Tutors, thank you Administrators, but most of all, thank you God for making Torrey Possible. I hope you all have a wonderful, wonderful evening.

An Announcement

2009-05-27T18:35:00.000-07:00

Guess who got a license to drive?

oh yeah. =]

Guess who splurged on their gift card and bought $15 worth of Godiva Chocolate?

Oh Yeah.

Guess who loves Torrey?

OH YEAH! =D

A Sad Story

2009-05-26T20:02:00.000-07:00

=[

The other day, I had finished watching a lot of tv and movies...

then I went outside.

And the first words that popped out of my mouth?

WHOA!!! The grass is in HD!!!

>_<

Let us hope this event does not occur again....ever. ;P

"To Boldly Go Where..."

2009-05-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

Today was (I think) the official beginning of farewell to senior year.

So many memories.

So many happy memories.

So many beautiful memories.

Lest you think I shall be stuck in the past, I assure you, I look to the future with a stout heart and good cheer.

But I guess I just wanted to remark that if this was it -if tonight I (by God's grace) were called to enter Christ's courts, I would not think this life ill spent -because I have known you my friends.

If today my life were demanded of me, I would have no regrets.

It has been one of my greatest joys and privileges to come to know you all over the years (how few and short they seem!).

Many were the times when I'd look around at everyone and think to myself, "This truly is, a wonderful life".

And so it is, it truly, truly is a wonderful life.

How many can say that?

"We few, we happy few..."

In Which I Join the Bandwagon

2009-05-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

Who knew imovie could be so easy to use!

Here is my humble offering.

I hope I get to make more of these in the future!

=D

If you're having trouble viewing the video, it's on private (my classmate's a bit picky about being on the internet) so email me if you want to watch it. =\

You Know You're Over the Deep End When...

2009-05-07T09:36:00.000-07:00

You went ahead and pre-ordered this book six months ago. =D

It CAME TODAY!!!

YEAAASSSSSHHHHHHHH!!!

I Love you Amazon. =D

Singleness isn't a Bad thing...

2009-05-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still pretty young as human beings go.

But I'm already beginning to feel the pressure to get on the path to getting married.

Now dating isn't a bad thing! (Friends who know me can attest to the fact that I'm a hopeless romantic!)

But perhaps there's a problem when even my dad sits me down for this kind of a lecture.

"Son, I'm a bit worried about you, when I was your age, your mom was already hopelessly in love with me."

=P

It's such a relief I guess to realize that I don't have to be married to another person in order to become a whole person.

Not that I wouldn't want to get married at some point in the future ;)

Realization was prompted by this podcast.

Soundtracks

2009-04-30T13:38:00.001-07:00

I've recently noticed that I might be making a mistake.

You see, when I listen to music, it's always with something. Doing the dishes? How bout some Bach? Homework? Hello Mozart. Laundry? Hey Brahms. Jogging? Yay for fun Pop! Etc.

In fact, I'm listening to Bach even as I type!

Here's the problem, when I actually go to a concert and try to devote my entire attention to listening, I constantly want to do something else. Eventually, I start dozing off (If it's been a hard day). But most of the time, I'm just fidgeting, like I'm waiting for something to happen. This is not good.

If you'll remember, back before we had portable music players or even radios, people went to concerts and just listened. Nothing else. (They still do). And it's unfortunate that we have relegated music to just an accessory rather than an experience in and of itself.

Music is a definite art form and should be treated as such. For example, you don't try to look at five pictures at once in an art gallery right? Same with music. (Unless it's a movie, but arguable a movie is one whole image). To really listen requires all you've got. Your whole being.

Key Takeaway: Stop multitasking when it comes to music. If you're going to listen, then truly listen.

This isn't to say that doing things along with music is completely bad, but I do believe that the full experience of music requires complete concentration.

Back to Bach...

Halfway through Martin Luther...

2009-04-21T12:42:00.000-07:00

I feel pretty lost in a forest of terms, concepts, definitions, and ideas.

Let's begin with the main question. The fact is, people still sin after they become Christians. (And I define becoming a Christian as when a person accepts Christ as their personal savior from sin and death) How then do we reconcile sin with the fact that we have been saved? I admit that we are not saved by anything but faith in Christ's work, that is, there is not a single action I have done or can do in order to gain eternal life, but I don't understand the seeming contradiction which after-salvation sin places before me. (Even excepting faith in Christ which is itself an action which "God effects in us" pg. 23).

Let me try that again. If I find myself still sinning after I have confessed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, does this mean that I am no longer saved? I know of some who get out of this by saying that once you're saved you're always saved, but that doesn't seem satisfactory because one has no objective way of knowing if one is saved. If good works are the concomitant effects of true faith in Christ, then does this mean that bad works (i.e. sin) are the concomitant effects of damnation?

I guess what I'm trying to say is, why all this continual purgation? Why can't God remove the possibility of sinning after I have willed to no longer sin?

I hope I haven't uttered anything heretical or blasphemous (though I'm afraid I probably have).

Help?

Under the Mercy,
Gabriel

Some Questions

2009-04-18T11:24:00.000-07:00

I recently watched about 75% of a movie called "Departed". It was this years academy award winner for "Best Foreign Film". It's about a cello player whose orchestra is disbanded and who ends up with a job as a "encoffiner", someone who performs the Japanese death ceremony. So two questions came to mind:

What does it mean to die well?

What is a beautiful death?

What should a persons legacy be?

From what I've seen of the movie, I recommend it. However there is one sensually explicit minute long scene which younger viewers will want to be wary of. Other than that, it is a rhapsodic meditation on death, life, and love.

Can't wait to finish it. =]

Go to Dark Gethsemane

2009-04-10T06:46:00.000-07:00

Go to dark Gethsemane,
Ye that feel the tempter's power;
Your Redeemer's conflict see,
Watch with Him one bitter hour;
Turn not from His griefs away,
Learn of Jesus Christ to pray.

Follow to the judgment hall;
View the Lord of life arraigned;
Oh, the wormwood and the gall!
Oh, the pangs His soul sustained!
Shun not suffering, shame, or loss;
Learn of Him to bear the cross.

Calvary's mournful mountain climb;
There, adoring at His feet,
Mark that miracle of time,
God's own sacrifice complete:
"It is finished," hear Him cry;
Learn of Jesus Christ to die.

-James Montgomery

Silence in the Sun

2009-04-03T23:06:00.000-07:00

ooooh. Artsy title. ;)

This afternoon I decided to sit down on a small plot of grass. The morning had been cold and so it was good to feel the sun on my body. Lying down felt even better because it reduced my exposure to the wind and maximized the amount of sunlight I could absorb.

I've forgotten how wonderfully relaxing that is. Just sitting and being silent and listening to people talking (with no obligation to answer since they think you're sleeping). Apparently, I cut quite a haiku-y figure. =P

Opening my eyes again, everything was sort of white washed. My eyes were adjusting so the world took on a blaring blue-rinse like color tone. It felt like I was in a movie...

Spring Break has started. It's good to relax. It's good to love and be loved. It's good to live. It's good to Affirm things.

God Bless you all, my friends. Let us pray for one another, always.

In Which I Recant...

2009-04-02T11:22:00.001-07:00

I have deactivated my Facebook account until further notice. That is, until I learn how to properly control my time and use it rightly. =P

Sorry about our Scrabble game Mr. Leigh, I bow to your superior word skills. =D

First Day of Facebooking

2009-03-31T22:43:00.000-07:00

Oh deary.

I'm going to need some help with accountability...

I'm definitely going to have to set some time limits

And I'm definitely enjoying using my new computer. =]

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1583526943&ref=name

Richard III (A Review)

2009-03-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

I've just gotten back from Torrey Theatre's production of Shakespeare's Richard III and (for what it's worth) here's my review:

It's the first time that Torrey has used this "space" as one cast member remarked and it certainly not the only thing that's new in this remarkable production. The production is ostensibly an adaptation of Shakespeare's original. I don't wish to spoil all the ways in which they present the play, but let's just say that they had no qualms about re-ordering the sequence and even who speaks which lines. The result is a very interesting work that feels more like a commentary than an actual performance. As always, there's no complaint here about the acting. Whatever else Torrey does, they have always been highly consistent in the quality which they present on stage. The production's stated aim is to take full advantage of the Theatre. As a cast member stated, "We wanted to take everything that is unique to theatre and capitalize on those aspects. For example, the use of the body, Theatre is one of the only art forms that uses the body so totally in order to communicate and we did our best to bring that out in this performance" (That was a paraphrase). Two things I found especially noteworthy, the use of space in this production is very unique. The Collegium in which the play is produced is actually Biola's commuter lounge. There is no raised stage and the actors get within inches of the audience. It's a much more immersive experience. Second, this is definitely a production where you have to know Richard III at least fairly well (Meaning you should have read the play at least twice). I recommend watching it, but with the caution that to fully appreciate it, you need to at least read the original because it really is an adaptation. Go watch it, and when you're done, let's talk.

Entertainment

2009-03-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

Genius is always fun to watch.

Glenn Gould is hilarious...so is his collie. Wait for the part when he stands up! =]

A Discovery

2009-03-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

Marginalia

Sometimes the notes are ferocious,
skirmishes against the author
raging along the borders of every page
in tiny black script.
If I could just get my hands on you,
Kierkegaard, or Conor Cruise O'Brien,
they seem to say,
I would bolt the door and beat some logic into your head.

Other comments are more offhand, dismissive -
"Nonsense." "Please!" "HA!!" -
that kind of thing.
I remember once looking up from my reading,
my thumb as a bookmark,
trying to imagine what the person must look like
why wrote "Don't be a ninny"
alongside a paragraph in The Life of Emily Dickinson.

Students are more modest
needing to leave only their splayed footprints
along the shore of the page.
One scrawls "Metaphor" next to a stanza of Eliot's.
Another notes the presence of "Irony"
fifty times outside the paragraphs of A Modest Proposal.

Or they are fans who cheer from the empty bleachers,
Hands cupped around their mouths.
"Absolutely," they shout
to Duns Scotus and James Baldwin.
"Yes." "Bull's-eye." "My man!"
Check marks, asterisks, and exclamation points
rain down along the sidelines.

And if you have managed to graduate from college
without ever having written "Man vs. Nature"
in a margin, perhaps now
is the time to take one step forward.

We have all seized the white perimeter as our own
and reached for a pen if only to show
we did not just laze in an armchair turning pages;
we pressed a thought into the wayside,
planted an impression along the verge.

Even Irish monks in their cold scriptoria
jotted along the borders of the Gospels
brief asides about the pains of copying,
a bird signing near their window,
or the sunlight that illuminated their page-
anonymous men catching a ride into the future
on a vessel more lasting than themselves.

And you have not read Joshua Reynolds,
they say, until you have read him
enwreathed with Blake's furious scribbling.

Yet the one I think of most often,
the one that dangles from me like a locket,
was written in the copy of Catcher in the Rye
I borrowed from the local library
one slow, hot summer.
I was just beginning high school then,
reading books on a davenport in my parents' living room,
and I cannot tell you
how vastly my loneliness was deepened,
how poignant and amplified the world before me seemed,
when I found on one page

A few greasy looking smears
and next to them, written in soft pencil-
by a beautiful girl, I could tell,
whom I would never meet-
"Pardon the egg salad stains, but I'm in love."

- Billy Collins

I don't know whether to laugh...

2009-03-09T00:09:00.001-07:00

or cry.

What does it say about us when we can only be fascinated by hell?

This is Amusing...

2009-03-05T20:17:00.000-08:00

Stereotypes...

Also, here's another chooism:

Dad: Son, you can be anything you want to be.

Me: Really?!

Dad: Sure! You can go into cardiology, ophthalmology, oncology, urology, you could be a pulmonologist…

>_< =P

When all the other children were learning where their eyes and noses were, I was learning where my carotid artery was. ;)

Another Choo-ism

2009-02-23T14:28:00.000-08:00

In honor of the Bard:

"Be Choo,

be Choo,

be Choo!

To thine own self be Choo!"

;)

Inheritance Cycle...

2009-02-22T23:05:00.000-08:00

After devoting most of my weekend to reading through Brsingr, I think I will recommend it. Paolini's writing is much better. The action is quite well done, it's fun, it's entertaining. I was engrossed. The plot's pretty predictable but still works well. (Blah, incoherence). It's not high literature, but we don't want to be snobs now do we? ;) To be honest, it's been a long time since I've really enjoyed myself as I read through a book. Don't get me wrong, Great Books are by no means without their entertainment value. But the fantasy of this particular book requires very little active thinking and so is consequently much easier to get addicted to.

Yes, it's quite true, I was addicted. ;) Perhaps though, it's not something to joke about...It's a story and I love a good story.

Perhaps it would be best to tell you what effect my reading of it has on my sister. As I write, she is lugging the book (all 700 something pages of it) to her own room. Sigh, I'm guessing I can forget about communicating for at least 2 weeks. ;)

Here's what she said when she walked into the room this evening while I was near the end.

"DANG! Gabriel, you ate the book!"

I got a good chuckle out of that. =]

Escapism...is it good? Probably not, and with all these Dante sources to read through I'm an idiot for devoting so much time to it, but as I said, I can't resist a good story.

Sigh. We'll have to work on that.

In other news, I shall not be getting a facebook.

Facebook 3

2009-02-19T19:18:00.000-08:00

Here are the votes so far:

Yes:

Jonathan

Bambi

Joycelyn

Rady

Calvin

Interfect

Mr. Leigh

No:

Pauline

MKR Mouse

Sir Claviger

Sorta-Kinda-Maybe-I'm-No-Sure-Only-If-You-Can-Control-Yourself:

Me

Last chance to get your votes in!

I Never Thought of it That Way...

2009-02-18T23:46:00.000-08:00

This, is Awesome.

IN DEFENSE OF SINGLENESS.

It helps, it helps. ;)

What Music Means to Me

2009-02-17T12:58:00.000-08:00

The following is a something I wrote for a recital in the program notes. Questions, comments, critiques are very welcome:

I have been asked to write down some thoughts about what music means to me. I shall begin then, with a short account of my own experience with music. My love of music began (I am almost ashamed to say) from selfish reasons. When I was 10, I read an article about how classical music makes ones IQ go up. Being a snobbish little boy I threw myself into my parent’s Mozart collection which amounted to about 10CDs. All the while, I constantly chanted this mantra to myself: “this will make me smarter, this will make me smarter” add infinitum. Like a musical moron I would vigorously nod my head up and down with the rhythm of the symphony or when the music became grand and exciting I’d wave my hands around frantically as if I were conducting an invisible symphony. Can you imagine what I must’ve looked like? In fact, I would look into the mirror sometimes and practice my I-am-deeply-in-musical-thought look and try to seem very profound, I mostly ended up looking constipated. Thank God something good came of this egoism! As I became more and more familiar with the pieces, I found that I actually enjoyed listening to them for their own sake. I didn’t really even know why yet, I just liked listening. My initial enjoyment began to spill over into a liking for other composers. In addition to Mozart’s music, I began listening to Elgar, Dvorak, Beethoven, Puccini, and then it hit me: I had discovered the Second Piano Concerto of Rachmaninoff. Diane Ackerman, a poet, describes this piano concerto as one that is:
…
full of tenderness and yearning,
beguiling melodies, raging passion,
and long sensuous preludes
to explosive climaxes,
frenzy followed by strains
of mysticism and trance.

Loaded with starry melodies,
it was a map of his sensibility,
and a wilderness rarely known
-the intense life of an artist
seen in miniature, with rapture expressed
as all-embracing sound.

But words do not come close, I think, to describing what it is like to listen to that music. How can I describe that aural experience which ravishes my entire being and makes me weep to hear such beauty? The answer is, I think, that we wouldn’t have music if we could fully describe it in words. Descriptions of Rachmaninoff can only go so far, you will have to listen to it yourself.

If I thought that discovering Rachmaninoff was something, imagine how it must have shaken my world to find Bach! Oh Bach! What a colossal syllable! I shall not even try to tell you the love, humility, and goodwill that his music inspires in me. This is what Leonard Bernstein says, “…once you do get to know Bach well enough to love him, you will love him more than any other composer. I know this because I went through the same process myself.” Further on he states,

And what is it that holds all these pages together, that makes it all inevitably the product of one man? The religious spirit. For Bach, all music was religion; writing it was an act of faith; and performing it was an act of worship. Every note was dedicated to God and to nothing else…Every last cello suite or violin sonata, every prelude and fugue from The Well-Tempered Clavier praises God…Bach…was a man of God, and his godliness informs his music from first to last (The Joy of Music, 237-277).

And with that, I come to my point. The fundamental value of music is in its ability to make us better people. Rather than just a hobby or something we teach children because it will make them “smart” (which it will). Classical music is an education of the heart. It is a vital part of forming a person’s character for the better. Now realize that I am not saying that you need music to be a good person, after all, the Nazis also listened to Schubert, but music makes it that much easier to love God and to love your fellow man. While the music lasts, I am in wonder and awe before its beauty. It’s almost as heady as being in love with someone, and perhaps it is just that – love – I mean. I do love music. And though my fingers stutter and mumble across the keys trying desperately to incarnate that love, I still do it; rather, I play because I love. In the last act of Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, we are given a very good model of what all our praises to God are like when the King of Athens comments on the bumbling and ridiculous play of the builders is put on in the King’s honor,

Our sport shall be to take what they mistake,
And what poor duty cannot do, noble respect
Takes it in might, not merit.
Where I have come, great clerks have purposed
To greet me with premeditated welcomes;
Where I have seen them shiver and look pale,
Make periods in the midst of sentences,
Throttle their practiced accent in their fears,
And, in conclusion, dumbly have broke off,
Not paying me a welcome. Trust me, sweet,
Out of this silence yet I picked a welcome,
And in the modesty of fearful duty
I read as much as from the rattling tongue
Of saucy and audacious eloquence.
Love, therefore, and tongue-tied simplicity
In least speak most, to my capacity (Act V.90-105).

If you skipped over that long quote, don’t worry about it, I mostly put it there to sound smart. The point is that the king took the stuttering praises of his servants and accounted those jumbled and messy attempts as eloquent speeches because of their love for him. In the same way, God will take our intention and count it as the act. If we will commit the time we spend in practicing and playing this music (like Bach) as a form of worship towards God, then it will mean something; otherwise, recitals are simply mutual admiration societies. We have mechanical piano players to do that. We come here not just to listen to those we know and admire the talent and hard work that has been put into these pieces, we come here also to participate in and experience beauty, beauty that at its root is from God. Life itself becomes more wonderful because such beauty exist. That’s what music means to me, it is one of the ways in which we are led to God. Where would I be without music?

In Gratitude

2009-02-17T00:54:00.000-08:00

"Through all this ordeal his root horror had been isolation, and there are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematicians that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one. That is why in spite of a hundred disadvantages, the world will always return to monogamy."

-G. K. Chesterton, The Man Who Was Thursday

Wentworth is the diabolical counterpart of Dante. I shall have to read Descent into Hell again in light of this fact. Charles Williams makes so much more sense now.

After all of it, I do think that Dante got it right. "poi si torno a l'etterna fontana" She turned again to the eternal Spring.

"'Have I your permission?' said the Angel to the Ghost.
'I know it will kill me.'
'It won't. But supposing it did?'
'You're right. It would be better to be dead than to live with this creature.'
'Then I may?'
'Damn and blast you! Go on, can't you? Get it over. Do what you like,' bellowed the Ghost: but ended, whimpering, 'God help me. God help me.'" (The Great Divorce 110).

God is full of severe mercies.

Facebook 2

2009-02-13T18:36:00.000-08:00

I don't know guys...my dad has one...my mom has one...my aunts all have one. What am I supposed to do? Wait till Grandma gets one?!

Also...hehe...I started a facebook group using my sister's fb called "I hacked my little sibiling's facebook so I could stalk my friends".

hehehe.

Also, I really love me chums. ;)

So, I shall put it to a vote. As I have already done before. Do you, dear readers, think that I should get one? =]

Where did it all go?

2009-02-09T22:27:00.000-08:00

Why is it that something begins and then when it ends it's so hard to re-apprehend the experience? For example, when I experience a beautiful piece of music it only stays with me for so long. The rightness, the goodness, that desire and ardor that is the stuff of rash vows --can it last? Perhaps this is what corresponds to "the death of Beatrice". In the Vita Nuova, Dante describes his experience and vision of Beatrice when he saw her for the first time. Fifteen years later, she died. And Dante goes on to write, "what has never been written in honor of a lady before". Romantic Theology...

Lewis is characteristically lucid:

"A romantic theologian does not mean one who is romantic about theology but one who is theological about romance, one who considers the theological implications of those experiences which are called romantic. The belief that the most serious and ecstatic experiences either of human love or of imaginative literature have such theological implications ,and that they can be healthy and fruitful only if the implications are diligently thought out and severly lived, is the root principle of all his [Charles William's] work" (Introduction to "Essays Presented to Charles Williams").

How do we stay true to the image of the beloved?

Whatever that image may be, nature (think Wordsworth), the city (Virgil), or a girl (Beatrice), or music (Bach? Rachmaninoff?) how do we affirm and love it in such a way that it is neither blasphemous nor destructive?

In short, how do we love rightly?

This is sort of the question I'm starting with for my paper. I'm pretty sure Dante can help me. =D But what he has to say isn't at all easy. At least for me, I don't think of this as just a paper, for me, what Dante is saying and how I interpret him has real and significant implications. Perhaps Dante is wrong and crazy, if not wickedly lustful...

I sure hope not.

"He who has ears let him hear, he who has eyes let him see."

"This is thou, this also is not thou."

"...lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..."

On Happiness (Part I)

2009-02-04T01:38:00.001-08:00

Recently, I've come across some works regarding Happiness.

First: Consolation of Philosophy, by Boethius

Second: Treatise on Happiness, by St. Thomas Aquinas

Now, I've also been following a blog called "The Happiness Project". It's on the side bar so you can go there to find out what it's all about.

It's late at night and I just wanted to get this thread going so I don't forget in the morning. Here's what I propose to do:

In this post, the author is pretty much allowing happiness to be vague. I think that such relativism at the beginning of a project like this fundamentally misses the point. ...Or something like that. I'm going to sleep on it, but these are the texts I shall be interacting with...

However, it will be an on-and-off thing as presentations are coming up!

In pursuit of Happiness,
Gabriel

Ebay...

2009-02-03T22:57:00.000-08:00

An hour wasted
(Curse you Ebay search engine)
Car part wasn't there.

My dad found the car part in three minutes. =P

Darn...

2009-02-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

Crashed the car -- Ouch
Accidents are not fun
Now I have to pay.

Sigh...

Online Dante Resources

2009-02-01T15:38:00.000-08:00

Below are some online resources I have found thus far.

Here's Dr. Esolen's lecture on freedom and autonomy in the Divine Comedy.

It made me cry. Listen.

Here's the Comedy read aloud in Italian.

Here's a huge library of commentaries.

Here are some lesser known works of Dante online.

Also, I highly recommend the essay in the post before this one.

Please add any other resources you find in the comment section =]

Esolen on Torrey Honors

2009-01-31T01:34:00.001-08:00

Here's Dr. Fred Sander's review of Esolen's review.

Here's Esolen's review.

While we're on Esolen, here's Dr. Sander's notes on Dr. Esolen's lecture.

In Ecstacy

2009-01-29T01:38:00.000-08:00

I just bought Taliessin through the Logres, The Region of the Summer Stars and the Arthurian Torso by Charles Williams.

Yup.

It's 1:00 something AM.

Here are my reasons:

1) Dante.

2) This oh-my-goodness-my-mind-just-got-blown-open-in-a-totally-good-way-by-Charles-Williams (He tends to do that) book.

3) This beautiful essay (I consider it one of my favorite essays alongside "The Weight of Glory").

4) This response to the essay above.

5) This random (or perhaps providential) review of Logres. "Gold" indeed.

6) And one more thing, if people are willing to spend upwards of $70 dollars for an Abercrombie and Fitch(TM) shirt, why can't I spend $55 dollars to buy a rare and beautiful book by one of my favorite authors?

Sigh. Of course, this means that I won't be buying any more books for a long time...then again, I do have that gift card I haven't used...but here's the thing: I promise that (unless it's for school) I will not buy another book for 3 months. Starting today. (So this ends April 29th...if I'm wrong please correct me) =]

Another thing, how do I express strong emotion without looking like a fool? Is being a fool necessarily a bad thing? (Or so Shakespeare would have me ask).

Currently, I am overwhelmed and more in love with Charles William's writing than I previously was. I only pray that his insights into the Christian life will lead me to love God like Dante did. "This also is thou; neither is this Thou".

But remember, dear reader, that Dante, Williams, and all of Western Civilization are but dust without Christ. "You can find Dante and miss Christ" Let us not be Gammaliels. Let us pray for one another, always.

O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me, a sinner.

Of Bibliophilia and Bookworms

2009-01-27T17:09:00.000-08:00

I have found that many people kindly but still quite condescendingly laugh at my bookishness. Which got me to thinking, is there an inherent problem with reading too many books? What is the purpose of reading? And what of Plato's argument against it in the second half of Phaedrus? Therefore, kind readers, I entreat you to help me diagnose myself.

Here are some of my symptoms:

1) I have a 10-page-long wish list on Amazon.com (Still growing!).

2) I read more often then I exercise.

3) I read about as much as I sleep.

4) I feel odd ('naked') if I do not have a book in my hand or at least in close proximity to myself.

5) My ideal room would have all four walls lined with bookcases from floor to ceiling and a large, wide spacious desk and a comfy chair and automan. Well-lit.

6) My room is the library of my house.

7) My main expenditure is on Amazon (curse you shipping costs!).

8) Saying the word "D-A-N-T-E" in my presence will induce an assortment of reactions (depending on the context in which it is said):
a) An odd squeal (yes, like a piglet).
b) I'll fall to my knees and start yelling.
c) I'll get that mad glint in my eye that says "You'd better take that back!"
For example: When the inestimable Mr. Gross informed me that the Rodin sculpture known as "The Thinker" was, in fact, Rodin's sculpture of Dante, I did indeed fall to my knees and pump my fists skyward and yelled at the top of my lungs-directly underneath the Biola belltower. ....yeah.

9) This painting warms my heart.

10) I find that I have to exercise much self control in order to not buy this. They don't even have a picture of the thing! 50 some dollars! AHHHHH!

So, dear friends, be honest, how bad do I have it?

=D

Again...

2009-01-25T23:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!

(After Taliesin)

2009-01-25T09:35:00.000-08:00

The beauty of the Word made flesh,
Beautiful too that God has made me.
The beauty of wisdom from ages past,
Beautiful too the sound of a turning page.
The beauty of a tree in autumn,
Beautiful too a bare branch against the stars.
The beauty of Rachmaninoff’s piano concerto,
Beautiful too a single note of Bach.
The beauty of a mansion with many stories to tell
Beautiful too the library where new worlds are found.
The beauty of the ocean in its sun-lit splendor,
Beautiful too skipping stones across the water.
The beauty of a joyous wedding anniversary,
Beautiful too the shy glances of those in love.
The beauty of a lively fire against a rainy night,
Beautiful too the glow of a dying ember.
The beauty of silently falling snow,
Beautiful too the melting flakes upon the tongue.
The beauty of a stained glass window in its church,
Beautiful too the smile of a saint.
The beauty of a compassionate teacher in his classroom,
Beautiful too reading under a maple tree.
The beauty of a well-tempered blade,
Beautiful too the moment of “Aha!”
The beauty of sunlight streaming through a window,
Beautiful too the silence of a prayer chapel.
The beauty of mother driving her children to school,
Beautiful too the prayers of a father for his little girl.
The beauty of the hushed awe before the concert starts,
Beautiful too silencing the cell phone.
The beauty of a birthday letter given in love,
Beautiful too the experience of the wise.
The beauty of a conversation with beloved friends,
Beautiful too the last drop of coffee in the cup.
The beauty of vast and starry expanse of heaven,
Beautiful too finding a lost contact lens.
The beauty of cottage covered in snow,
Beautiful too the lighting of a match.
The beauty of poetry read by a melodious voice,
Beautiful too the ascension of Mount Purgatory.
The beauty of prayers said in the morning,
Beautiful too God’s presence when I feel alone.
The beauty of a sturdy old chair,
Beautiful too an old joke between friends.
The beauty of well written Chinese calligraphy,
Beautiful too making the ink from paste.
The beauty of the warm sun upon my face,
Beautiful too the droplets upon the air-con vent.
The beauty of a sun-lit corner of a room,
Beautiful too the room where a holy woman died.
The beauty of a girl laughing in sunshine,
Beautiful too the shape of her hand.
But most wonderful of all is too great for me to tell:
Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Hosts;
The whole earth is full of His glory!

In Which we Discover that Gabriel Generally Functions Much Better With Sleep

2009-01-13T19:40:00.000-08:00

I've been slaving away at my Term Paper for the past two weeks. I haven't kept my journal since my birthday, I haven't done my devotions since last week, and I haven't slept for more than 10 hours in the past three days. Which is why I feel like singing odes to Coffee...and my friends who have so graciously helped me through this. (There is no intended order of importance in that short list!) Coffee is sooooo good! All hail Cappuccino!

For Mr. Diaz and...

2009-01-06T18:11:00.000-08:00

Anyone else who enjoys the Dies Irae.

I give you Liszt's Totentanz

Part 1

Part 2

I attended a performance of this piece back a while ago.

P.S. Mr. Diaz, I have the Symphonic Dances ready for you. =]

Good Advice, but why?

2009-01-06T01:20:00.000-08:00

This is a good piece of advice.

But why?

Why do we need to know where we come from in order to know where we are going?

"From whence have you come? Whither are you going?"

In other news, hard at work on Term Paper: Exciting!

Choo-ful sayings

2009-01-04T23:58:00.000-08:00

"They say that a well ordered room reflects a well ordered soul. Heck, my soul's pretty screwed."

"Why'd they give me 17 dollars for my birthday? What an odd number...*a couple days go by*. OOOHHHHHHH!! I'm turning 17!"

*insert Joycelyn rolling eyes*

Dad: Joycelyn, you're getting prettier everyday.

Me: Yeah, we were getting worried!

Joycelyn: HEY!

...

Joycelyn: Well, we're still worried about you.

=]

Promise Kept

2008-12-26T21:59:00.001-08:00

This will not be a post reflecting on the beauty of Christmas (although you may read into the title of the post however you wish). My intent for this post is more of a housekeeping issue:

I made a promise a year ago (almost to the day!) to upload a crazy wipeout I had on my snowboard on Christmas Day. =]

Today I fulfill my promise.
If you can't do it right, then fail spectacularly!

And my awesome, cool, and amazingly tech-savvy sister made our 2008Choo Family Christmas Video.

The link directly above is High-Def. Here's the normal quality.

Merry (post) Christmas everyone!

Nevermind then...

2008-12-16T17:59:00.000-08:00

Man is a giddy thing.

Turns out I'm not going into Philosophy.

Bio-Chemistry.

Delightful Irony eh?

Dorothy Sayers and Bach

2008-12-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

Keep in mind that in her youth, Dorothy Sayers was quite a talented Violinist/Pianist:

"Masters, undergraduates, visitors; they sat huddled closely together on the backless oak benches, their elbows on the long tables, their eyes shaded with their fingers, or turned intelligently towards the platform where two famous violinists twisted together the fine, strong strands of the Concerto in D Minor. The Hall was very full; Harriet's gowned shoulder touched her companion's and the crescent of his long sleeve lay over her knee. He was wrapt in the motionless austerity with which all genuine musicians listen to genuine music. Harriet was musician enough to respect this aloofness; she knew well enough that the ecstatic rapture on the face of the man opposite meant only that he was hoping to be thought musical, and that the elderly lady over the way, waving her fingers to the beat, was a musical moron. She knew enough, herself, to read the sounds a little with her brains, laboriously unwinding the twined chains of melody link by link. Peter, she felt sure, could hear the whole intricate pattern, every part separately and simultaneously, each independent and equal, seperate but inseparable, moving over and under and through, ravishing heart and mind together.
She waited till the last movement had ended and the packed hall was relaxing its attention in applause.
'Peter - what did you mean when you said that anybody could have the harmony if they would leave us the counterpoint?'
'Why,' said he, shaking his head, 'that I like my music polyphonic. If you think I meant anything else, you know what I meant.' "
-Gaudy Night pg. 499

Then it goes on and they construct this beautiful model of marriage which you should definitely, definitely go read. (But read Strong Poison first at least!)

Anyway, that was an awesome description of Bach. More than that, I read that paragraph with a sinking feeling...I've been that musical pretender...I've been that musical moron waving my hands to the beat...gaaaahhh.....

=[ Sigh. Maybe I should just stick to eating and sleeping...?

Either way, Sayers is right, it's the music that's important, not your reaction. Just like everything else.

"The best thing to do is to forget yourself altogether..."
-Lewis

Merry Christmas!

A Paradox

2008-12-11T22:14:00.000-08:00

“To see a world in a grain of sand
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour.”

-William Blake

Go read those lines again.

done?

Now think them through a bit.

I've been seeing this idea pop up in alot of places. George Steiner first brought it to my attention in his book Errata by pointing out the paradox of language and the written word. There are limits to language in the sense that we use predetermined symbols which correspond to certain concepts or things or ideas, but within those limits, there is a Infinite Universe. Now I'd like to add a quick note here: there are several kinds or types of infinity. If you've ever read the Phantom Tollbooth, you'll remember this one passage where the main character is in either a tunnel or on a staircase(both maybe, I can't remember) and it's a monotonous infinity. Chesterton also mentions this when he talks about lunatics in Orthodoxy, the logic of the lunatic makes perfect sense, but it is a mad sense, a never ending circle, like a dog chasing its tail. Boethius also brings this theme up when he talks about the difference between eternity and mere immortality. The eternal is Presence itself, time only imitates the ever-presence of eternity in the Present. While immortality is merely a sucession of future turning into present which becomes past, eternity is a transcendent Present of all time. (There's ALOT more to be said on that subject, but that's for a term paper) Eliot's line about the "still point" the "intersection" (I'm getting sidetracked here, so I won't go and find the exact quote). What I hope all these examples have done is to give an idea of what I am not trying to describe. The sense of infinity I describe is not the monotonous infinity of a never ending corridor, but rather the infinity of possibility, an infinity rife and pulsing with creative potential. That is the sense in which language (confined as it is by representative symbols used to denote concepts) is infinite.

Another example of this paradox of infinite freedom within tangible confines can be seen in the production of a play (This is a variation on the theme of language). Ms. Card, in the context lecture I attended this evening, spoke of a certain set of restraints that a director is subject to (Which can be grouped into two main categories of Restraints of the text and Restraints of the community which produces the play), yet within these constraints, there is an infinity of variety which makes it possible to see something different every time the play is incarnated.

Once I got started, everything around me started to explode with this theme. Take Western Concert Music, twelve notes...A-B-C-D-E-F-G with their respective sharps and you can get anything! Palestrina, Bach, Rachmaninoff, Sibelius, John Williams, Coldplay, name any genre! And that's just the beginning, you have different forms: the symphony, the sonata, theme and varaiation, the prelude, the etude, etc. There's a form, and there's endless possibility.

And what about Chemistry? There are only 92 naturally occuring elements on Earth and they form literally everything around us.

Architecture, Sculpting, Biology, Painting, Art, Humans (!) And this last one got me. Each created in the image of God, each an individual. Yet the more we become Christ-like, the more we truly become ourselves. Tolstoy may have been right in saying all happy families are alike, but I think it would be more accurate to say that all happy families are alike in the potentiality for Joy.

Which brings me to The Great Divorce by Lewis. The grey town of the opening stretches to infinity in all directions, but it is so numbingly same. The real shocker is when you find out that all of hell cannot even affect a butterfly of heaven. (Note: As Lewis himself says, the illustrations of The Great Divorce are not meant to be literal ideas about the respective places, just as Dante's Comedy aren't meant to be factual descriptions of Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven).

If you take anything away from this ramble, take this:

Heaven can never be exhausted. Whatever else it is, it can and could never be merely infinite. All these examples I've listed so far are but the muddy trickles from the Fountain. How great our joy and wonder when we come to the Source?

It is the Good which is really interesting and evil which bores the hell out of a person (or rather, into him).

The sculpture which took an artist a month of 8-hour-a-day carving to complete can be destroyed in 2 minutes.

So there you have it, my long long and still incomplete ramble on the paradox of limits and freedom.

It is through law that we become truly free.

Let's discuss!

Oh the Humanities!

2008-11-12T23:25:00.000-08:00

(Or Why I decided to major in Philosophy)

First off I couldn't resist:

Caption: I just Kant do it!

Okay, okay Horrible, aaah-I-want-to-hit-my-head-against-the-wall pun I know! =P

On a more serious note, here are some main reasons, not all of them, but a good overview I think...

1. It's something that I think I want to do for the rest of my life. Learning to love God with all my mind, is it not a worthy goal? Essentially, I want to wake up everyday, go to work and teach people how to love God. The best thing is, it's a journey that carries over into the next life. Who can know the depths of God? There is no end to His Love.

2. It seems like a good avenue through which I can channel my talents. I'm not spectacular, but I'm not totally incompetent either.

3. It's a great springboard for studies in Theology. Which I plan to pursue in graduate school.

Thinking back, the book of Proverbs has also highly influenced my decision.

My only regret is that with Torrey Honors on top of this major, and all my spare units devoted to Business classes, I won't hardly have any time for music classes. =[

But that will be a moot point if I don't first finish my application essay...haha...

Does anyone know of any people who are affiliated (teach, have taken this major, etc.) with this major at Biola? Is this a wise decision? I want input! (Please)

Have a great Thanksgiving everyone!

Clip on Happiness

2008-11-07T04:04:00.000-08:00

Another shameless plug for Pushing Daisies.

They can't touch!

Oh and they're such well dressed Checkities!

Reflections on Love

2008-11-05T15:16:00.000-08:00

Oh God, I don't love you, I don't even want to love you, but I want to want to love you!
-St. Teresa of Avila

O love, be moderate, allay thy ecstasy,
In measure rain thy joy, scant this excess!
I feel too much thy blessing. Make it less
For fear I surfeit.
...
You see me, Lord Bassanio, where I stand,
Such as I am. Though for myself alone
I would not be ambitious in my wish
To wish myself much better, yet for you
I would be trebled twenty times myself,
A thousand times more fair, ten thousand times
More rich, that only to stand high in your account,
I might in virtues, beauties, livings, friends,
Exceed account. But the full sum of me
Is sum of something - which to term in gross
Is an unlessoned girl, unschooled, unpracticed;
Happy in this, she is not yet so old
But she may learn; happier than this,
She is not bred so dull but she can learn;
Happpiest of all, is that her gentle spirit
Commits itself to yours to be directed,
As from her lord, her governor, her king.
Myself and what is mine to you and yours
Is now converted....

-Portia, The Merchant of Venice

Lord, if this be pleasing unto thee, let it be so.
Lord, if it be to thy honor, in thy name let this be done.
Lord, if thou seest it good, and allowest it to be
profitable for me, then grant unto me that I may use this to thine honor.
But if thou knowest it will be harmful unto me, and no profit to the health of my soul, take away any such desire from me...
Deal with me as thou thinkest good, and as best pleaseth thee, and is most for thy honor.
Behold, I am thy servant, prepared for all things; for I desire not to live unto myself, but unto thee; and oh that I could do it worthily and perfectly!

- The Imitation of Christ pg. 19

Need-love says of a woman "I cannot live without her"; gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection - if possible, wealth; Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all.

-Lewis, The Four Loves

My Song is love unknown
My Saviour's love to me
Love to the loveless shown
That they might lovely be.
O who am I
That for my sake
My Lord should take
Frail flesh and die?

-Passiontide Hymn

Teach us to care and not to care.
Our peace in His will.

-T.S. Eliot, Ash Wednesday

What is this face, less clear and clearer
The pulse in the arm, less strong and stronger-
Given or lent? more distant than stars and nearer than the eye

-Eliot, Marina

Do not fear the conflict, do not flee it. Where there is no struggle, there is no virtue. Where faith and love are not tested, it is not possible to be sure if they are really present. They are proved and revealed in adversity

-St. John of Kronstadt

Things my little sister has done to me...out of the goodness of her heart

2008-10-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

Generally speaking, I love my sister but sometimes...

Mom: Isn't Aaron cute? (That's my two year old cousin)

Me: Awww, he is he is. *squinty eyed smiles*

Mom: All two year olds are cute...they can get away with murder.

Joycelyn: Yeah Gabriel, I mean, even you were cute at some point!

sigh...

So I was pulling into the garage and Joycelyn opens the door while I'm still driving.

Me: What are you doing! Where's your brain?! Did you lose it?

Joycelyn: Nope, but I was looking for yours...

Oh the Humanity!

You know that wonderful fuzzy moment right before you fall asleep when everything is right with the world and you've said your prayers etc.? Yeah..... imagine me in that moment and then

BUGAUGAUGUAGBOOOO!!

Yeah....that would be Joycelyn. Hiding beneath my bed. That wasn't a goodnight for sleeping. Nope. Nutin. Nada.

And if that wasn't bad enough, when I woke up....

You know, I don't know about you, but I have a pretty full bladder in the morning. So I stumble into the bathroom that we share all bleary eyed from lack of sleep (plus I don't have my glasses on so I'm legally blind [not really]). So it's pretty standard routine from here on out right? Sigh. Not happening today. To be blunt. Joycelyn had put plastic surround wrap over the toilet. Yeah....

Big. Big. Big. Mess.

I was noooot happy.

And to round out a perfectly horrendous april fools, I found out that my toes were painted glittery pink. Did I mention they GLITTERED.

P.S. Joycelyn says to take notes Talia and Jane...

Dating...

2008-10-30T23:55:00.000-07:00

My parent's rules for dating:

Me: So, what's a good time to start dating?

Mom and Dad: You can't date until after you're married

Me: ..........

Me: ........... O.O

Yeah.... =D

(For those of you who are even slower than I am, that was a joke) ;)

Numbers 47-100

2008-10-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, I promise this won't be about me...(Don't know any other way to survive it!).

Think of this as a list of things I'm grateful for.

Oh, by the way, for those who have not read the earlier post, go read that first.

47. Pushing Daisies. You have no idea how smarmily romantic, quirky, funny, hopeful, warm and fuzzly this show makes me feel. Blargh! They had better not cancel it!

48. KUSC. The last classical radio station in the LA area. It's commercial free and member supported (which means we donate to keep it runnning). Been a member for 2 years now. =] Where would I be without classical music 24/7? My only complaint is that they keep all the good stuff in the wee hours of the morning from like 1:00 am to 6:00 am...haha but then again that might be because I listen to it at that time most often! One of my favorite programs on the station is Sunday Morning Sacred classics. Oy! Such beauty to make men weep. Go visit and stream from online at KUSC.org

49. What is the purpose of life? Love God and Love man? This is coming up mostly because I'm really struggling with the major in College thing. Philosophy or Pre-med? Ahhhhgg! Main problem: Parental expectation. How do I convince them that Philosophy majors can actually make a decent living? (I'm thinking Proffesorship here). Sigh. I'm also very aware of the expectations that they have had for my future. Curse you Asian stereotype! I want to be able to come to the end of my life and know that I've used my gifts to the best of my ablilities to Love God and those around me to the fullest.

50. Listening to KUSC right now. Dang it, they really do keep all the good stuff for the night.

51. I'm so so grateful for the ability to buy the books I want. There's something about being among my books that gives me a sense of homeyness. What's in a home?

52. I'm actually really sick right now. I haven't slept well for two weeks going to bed way way past midnight. sigh.

53. I'm going to be taking lessons with Mr. Peter Yazbeck, quite a exceptional teacher, this sunday. I am not ready. Sigh. Oh Rachmaninoff, Oh Bach help me unlock your secrets!

54. I know I mentioned it before, but the Trinity and the Incarnation and the Atonement are just such wonderfully awe inspiring doctrines. I'm quite speechless (although I hope that doesn't happen during presentations).

55. I shamelessly collect change from around the house. I scour the gap in the sofa between the cushion and the frame, the countertop, etc. Makes me feel like a pirate...Okay, that was about me, but oh well.

56. Shakespeare is hilarious. Here are some interesting summaries our class came up with:

57. Twelfth Night: Love is a revealer and a concealer of identities.

58. A Midsummer Night's Dream: Love is like being awake and Love is like dreaming.

59. Much Ado about Nothing: Love is like war and Love is like peace. Love is like dying and Love is like Living. "Come lady, die to live this wedding day."

60. Seriously! KUSC keeps the best stuff for this insane hour of night! Dvorak, Bach, Tchaikovsky! Where are they in the day?

61. That was unfair...haha...

62. Tomorrow is Mid Rags. That means a one-on-one interview with my tutor to discuss my progress this quarter. Oy! We'll also be brainstorming for Term Paper topics. I'm thinking The Madness of Love in Phaedrus and A Midsummer Night's Dream.

63. I've got a really bad headache. I flunked my Statistics test today, but I get to drop it. =[ There goes my 102% in the class. Talk about over-inflation!

64. Torrey and Wheatstone Academy are the best things that have happened to me since Jesus.

65. The Life of the Mind requires an integration of a person's entire being which includes the Head the Heart and the Hands. To be a whole soul and to strive to be re-created in the Image of God. That is worth living for.

66. What does it mean to be made in the Image of God?

67. Goodness.

68. Truth.

69. Beauty.

70. The Trinity.

71. Faith.

72. Hope.

73. Love.

74. God is Love.

75. Those were huge huge statements. Let's start thinking about them and living them out.

76. Movies. What is their purpose? Been talking with Christian alot about them. He should meet Joshua Sikora (I've never actually met this director although I've seen him up close).

77. Medival Philosophy fascinates me.

78. Next goal. Read Lewis' The Discarded Image.

79. I hope I can accurately and excellently argue for why it had to be the Incarnation had to be enacted by the Second Person of the Trinity.

80. Oh, I just started driving with a permit last week. Parent's eyes are twitchy to say the least. haha. I like driving. It's very relaxing. Now if only I could lean how to park...

81. I wrote a letter to my future self when I was 12 years old. There was this mind blowing statement, "I hope you become someone I can be proud of." Yikes! Talk about living up to expectations! From myself! (Though not in the way one would think). Am I someone that I would admire? It's hard to think of oneself as a temporal being, how much of my 12 year old self is inside of my 16 year old self? Naomi wrote on this topic a few weeks ago on the Wheatstone Forum.

82. Speaking of which, I haven't yet received the newsletter...

83. I miss Peter Gross. We need to have a good long talk about Music, Bach, Oxford, Life in general!

84. Miss Holly Vanderwall has yet to fulfill her promise! =] I regret that we didn't get to talk further about Oxford!

85. I'm slowly becoming an Anglophile. Mostly because of the Inklings. I must get into the history more.

86. I drink Soymilk. Been drinking it for 7 years now. Non-o-that Dairy stuff. Then my mom switches to Almond milk because some obscure study says that Soymilk lowers male reproductive cell counts. LIKE I'M GONNA NEED IT ANYTIME SOON! Sigh. I miss soymilk.

87. I prepared a sermon the other week. It went well. I learned alot. Now I must work doubly hard on humility. That is true wisdom. Humility is endless.

88. Turn this number on its side and you get double infinity. Speaking of which, the infinity logo for the car, is quite brilliant. It manages to depict a road stretching into the infinite distance within the symbol of infinity. Cool.

89. What is it like to know Romance? Teenage hormonal issues aside, the concept really fascinates me. That a man and a woman (go Prop 8!)would willingly be together and strive to be "one flesh". So united that they become one. Not I, but we. Thy will O Lord be done.

90. Do you think I'll ever get married? Mr. Bartel is getting married. "You're no good to others if you aren't any good to yourself". Must work on that...

91. This whole concept of striving to be worthy of the Goodness, Truth, and Beauty I've been shown. But most of all, the Love that has been lavished upon me constrains me to strive forward to the mark of our high calling in Jesus Christ. To Know Him and His death that I might share in His resurrection. "Who do you say I am?" Go read the reply. Believe it. Live it. (Advice for myself)

92. The year I was born. It so happens that the coming generation will have relegated me to the past century. The really influencial people of my generation will be the 21st centurians. Oh well.

93. Nine is the square of Three. Dante would love that. I like math and patterns, just not the way it's taught. But that's more my problem...I hope.

94. Wow, I'm actually coming up to it. For those of you who've gotten this far, it feels like slogging through and staying awake somewhere in the middle of Metropolis during the Homer Marathon.

95. Which reminds me, tomorrow I'm going to be dead. Literally.

96. The Jesus Prayer: O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me, a sinner.

97. Denominations. What the heck are up with those? I don't even know the denominations of any but a handful of my classmates! Why don't we ever at least ask so we can understand where an argument is coming from? Obviously there's the danger of getting into doctrinal squabbles and Torrey is trying to foster Mere Christianity, but I'm surprised by this absolute shyness that we have when it comes to denominations. For crying out loud, one of my closest friends only found out I'm a member of the Seventh-Day Adventist Church last week! Why are we so shy about this?

98. Ooooh, wrapping up are we. Well that's good because I really really want to sleep. God. Torrey. Piano. Eat. Sleep.

99. Two Squares of 3. The difference between 1 and 2 is infinitely greater than that which is between 2 and 3.

100. It's a wonderful, wonderful Life! =D

Please!

2008-10-28T20:56:00.000-07:00

Okay, Pushing Daisies is in trouble! If you haven't watched the show before, do do so. Noooooooo!!!! They might cancel it!

Watch this wednesday at 8pm on ABC.

Now's the time people!

here's a 5 min. Recap.

100 on the 100th

2008-10-28T17:15:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,

Happy hundreth post!

*confetti and streamers and funny party sounds*

So I thought I'd give you a present.

One Hundred things that are in my life now in no particular order.

1. This Poem:

Under the Piano

Kenneth Weisner

For Kit

There is nothing better than listening
to Debussy's Claire de Lune,
under your piano.
Students who are leaving you
go under their last day
and listen to you
play for them.
It's how you say goodbye.

The piano sits in the corner
of the small carpeted front room,
a Baldwin baby grand
next to my Grandmother's hundred-year-old
German side table with lions' paws.
You have them dive right back there
into the dark corner
beneath the bass strings. In a way,

a piano is a horrifying thing;
this black angel's coffin
could come thumping down
and kill someone.
You and a student rode it out there
during the big quake;
a bookshelf full of music
smashed the bench,
stopping inches from the keys.

When I arrived home yesterday,
you were playing Rachmaninoff's Prelude in G Minor.
I don't know why - I didn't even break stride -
just went right under
to close my eyes awhile
after a long day.

I love this part...a dramatic downward run
proclaims its minor key, some triumph in exile, turned
sumptuous, rising back upwards now....

And though I am not your student,
and you are not saying goodbye,
how good it is that you are playing
now for me! sprawled on the old carpet
appreciating every heady consonance
but also every jangling overtone
and percussive distortion,
the hilarious volume and vivid harmonics;
no, not even a kiss can do this.
And as in love,
even the mistakes are glorious,
blunt thunder.

And then when you go a long time without missing a
note,
how marvelous-what a miracle-
transported by virtuosity
into the composer's heart, or is it your heart?
or is it my own?
Oh, terrible exile;
wonderful life.

And such a private place, sacred; the piano
filling the sky.
So the wonder
mixes with the love, music, and privacy
to form
shameless ecstacy,
a fortune so difficult to find these days
in nature, the Church, politics
or even the theater.

It may not be God, but I feel loved,
you feel loved.
All the better because neither
the machine nor the interpreter
is perfect,
but the resulting chaos might be
the best thing in life.

And having married the piano player
many stormy years ago,
now, without sentimentality but in
the presence of
Rachmaninoff-
so much meaning-
and hearing the wonderful sense
in the sound, mouth set in its slight smirk,
so used to being disappointed at the world...
I for once do the logical thing:
nothing - just lie there
and weep through the whole recap and coda,
silently, shamelessly, for the ecstacy of it.

2. I feel silly for saying this, but learning to love Bach has deepened my love for Rachmaninoff. They just don't make music like that anymore.

3. Speaking of music, I went out on a limb the other night (er, morning actually heh.) and listened to Jason Mraz. =D "I'm Lucky" and "I'm Yours". Just my kind of happiness.

4. Athanasius and the book Jesus in Trinitarian Perspective. Presentations, presentations, presentations! It's going to be really great, if I can get it down on paper without descending into meaningless mutterings.

5. The Incarnation. The Trinity. The Atonement.

6. All those beautiful and wonderful people who I've been blessed to be friends with. A thousand thank yous for making life so blessed. Where would I be without you?

7. My family. They're awesome. I must work on not taking them for granted.

8. What is music? The problem that I run into when trying to define music is that all my descriptions also apply to other forms of art... Just throwing it out there now.

9. Ever notice how sapped of energy and strength when you go for a few days without devotions? Today I woke up really sick (literally). Didn't want to read Bible. I know this sounds horrible but it's like medicine, it won't always taste good, but it's the only thing that heals you. So far this week I've been able to go through Romans and Collosians. Both are wonderful wonderful letters. I only add the note about them being medicinal because it's my problem.

10. My cousin Aaron. Enough said. Go look.

11. Okay this is going to be a ridiculously long post, so if you've had enough (I have, I'm going to take a break, but you won't know that) go and do what you should be doing. =]

12. I'm not a very interesting person! Yes! Epiphany! I think that's a all-too-common misconception we have about ourselves. I've heard it termed exceptionalism. I want to be normal in the good sense of the word. "Well done thou good and faithful servant..."

13. Loving requires (at least in this state) emotions. There's no off switch. Dr. Jensen has written an excellent post on the whole thing here.

14. Learning to Love rightly is hard!

15. In Christianity it's a religion of paradox. I think Chesterton says a ton about this in Orthodoxy, but just this week, I've been really fascinated by the tension that exists between the equal Persons of the Trinity who also exist in set relations to each other.

16. All those blogs on the side. They're all really great. Go read Mr. Bartel's blog. It's Evanger Fireside. He doesn't post often, but when he does, it's worth 100 of my posts (that's a horrible understatement).

17. Speaking of Mr. Bartel, I need to get into more poetry. I've got two lovely volumes of major British writers. Sigh. I should be working on Presentation outlines.

18. Laguna Beach is lovely and Beautiful. The Zinc Cafe nearby is delicious.

19. I'll just throw in something about Ian in here. Ian is...well, he's Ian. How do you describe someone so uniquely funny and quirkily inappropriate at times? It's not everyday that you meet a name-misprounouncing (although we've gotten better in this aspect have we not?), homer marathoning, titan of heretical ideas who can also kick my bottom in Super Smash to boot! I look forward to knowing you better very much. =]

20. Speaking of Reynolds, I'm afraid to add my voice to the chorus of praise for every person of this wonderful family (it would be very scratchy and out of tune). How is there so much beauty packed into one family?!

21. But love starts with those nearest to you and the first step in loving is to love those around me.

22. This is basically a continuous spew of thoughts broken with random numbering eh?

23. College...AHHHHHH!!! I don't know what I want to do with my life! Tell me! I like how Montesquieu distinguished between two kinds of motivators in a person. The need to be led and the need to lead. I should have a more assertive say in it, since I will be the one living it...

24. I am a singularly indecisive person yes?

25. You can only know a person as much as they choose to be known.

26. Blogs might just be evil in that they seperate me from you, dear reader and give the semblance of intimacy. The trick is to keep in mind that contact with real people and having real conversations is more important than this.

27. I love getting books in the mail. It makes my day.

28. Books I want to get to:

Brothers Karamazov, Esolen's translation of Dante, The Figure of Beatrice, Other Charles Williams stuff, C.S. Lewis stuff, etc.

29. Okay, why did I even say I'd do 100? For the sake of your sanity friend, go do what you need to do.

30. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of hearing myself talk about myself. Maybe that's why I do so much quoting on this blog.

31. Moral of number thirty one? You are not an interesting person, if you want to be well liked, talk to other people about things outside of the self. Friendship is about something, Eros is about someone.

32. Speaking of C.S. Lewis' Four Loves, I need to finish that, I don't understand the Eros chapter...but that's hardly Lewis' fault.

33. So, ideas? Questions? Why do we sleep?

34. Why do I have the complete works of Mozart on CD and yet never find the time to listen to them?

35. You don't own a book just because it's on your shelf.

36. I thought this was pretty funny, "Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it is?"

37. I will fight tooth and nail to get Dante for presentations next semester. Not. even. kidding.

38. What does the lover see in the beloved? Loving involves a who and and why. Who do you love and why? Can you love without answering these?

39. Go read Andrew Murray's book, Humility. It will reshape all your ideas about being a Christian.

40. My idea of a dream home is a cottage in Virginia in the Fall by a lake with lots and lots of books a warm fireplace and a steinway D. =D

41. But don't take that last one seriously.

42. We don't have enough faith in God. He's not just some cosmic key finder "Thank you Jesus! I found my car keys!".

43. Who is God?

44. If your still here, I pity you. Either you're bored stiff or you have no self control. I'm going with the former.

45. I am never ever putting you through this kind of thing again my poor blog.

46. I can't TAKE IT ANY LONGER!

Moral of this post: The World doesn't revolve around me! THANK GOD!

Rachmaninoff's Psychiatrist

2008-10-27T22:36:00.000-07:00

I rejoice in the fact that this book exists.

I am excited that I own it.

I feel very affectionate about this poem because 1) it is the expression of another who loves Rachmaninoff as well 2) it puts into words a little of what all Rachmaninoff Lovers feel.

Therefore, without further ado:

Rachmaninoff's Psychiatrist

Diane Ackerman

I'm listening to Rachmaninoff's
Piano Concerto No. 2,
which he dedicated to Dr. Dahl,
the psychiatrist who guided him
through the straights of fever,
not long after Sergei had heard
his own first symphony played.
Horrified by its many defects
which seemed a sewage of noise,
he had fled the hall, ashamed,
a quagmire of self-doubt.

We cannot know all the sounds
Dahl and he exchanged,
but rubbing one word against another,
Dahl gradually restored
Sergei's confidence. History tells
that Dahl used affirmations
and auto-suggestion:
"You will compose again."
"You will write a piano concerto."
"You will write with great facility."
Repeated until the words saturated
His gift from head to fingers.

In truth, nothing can kill a gift,
but it may become anemic
from great shock or stress-
a sprain of the emotions will do,
or a traffic accident of the heart,
or a failure dire as a clanging bell.

For two years, Dahl worked
on Sergei's shattered will.
at last he collected up his senses
in a burst of blood fury
and composed his triumphant
2nd Piano Concerto,
full of tenderness and yearning,
beguiling melodies, raging passion,
and long sensuous preludes
to explosive climaxes,
frenzy followed by strains
of mysticism and trance.

Loaded with starry melodies,
it was a map of his sensibility,
and a wilderness rarely known
-the intense life of an artist
seen in miniature, with rapture expressed
as all-embracing sound.

Will you tell me if you know,
how Dahl might have received
such a gift? I cannot imagine it.
With hugs and shared enthusiasm?
With an austere thank you?
In his private moments, did he weep
at the privilege allowed him?
For a time he held the exposed heart
of a great artist, cupped his hands
around it like a flame, blew gently,
patiently, until it flared again.

For that, he earned the blessings
of history, and soothed millions
of hungry souls he would never meet.
Listening to Rachmaninoff's
concerto today, intoxicated by its fever,
I want to kiss the hands of Dahl,
but he is beyond my touch or game.
Allow me to thank you in his name.

Indeed. Thank you Dr. Dahl.

Grateful...But Worried

2008-10-21T18:42:00.000-07:00

From The Imitation of Christ:

"Thou hast not yet resisted unto blood."

(Thomas A Kempis, Third Book, section 19, pg. 200)

I am grateful that no one is waiting to inflict unimaginably horrible tortures upon me for being a Christian. (Been reading Eusebius' History of the Church)

I am worried over the fact that I would probably deny my Lord if that were ever to happen.

How do we strengthen our faith so that we achieve a state where "perfect Love casts out all fear"?

From Shakespeare:

"Come, lady, die to live. This wedding day..."

(Much Ado About Nothing, Act IV.1.253)

There's so much meaning packed into that line...

The Bloodless Martyrdom.

Actual Martyrdom.

Being a Christian in general.

Needless to say, there are more ways to die than one.

Pushing Daisies

2008-10-18T23:54:00.000-07:00

Is officially my favorite TV show. Ever.

I fell in love with this show since the first episode.

Quirky, Witty, and Wonderfully Romantic.

*Happy Sigh*

...okaaaaaaaay

It's just so excellently done!

And it's soooo much cleaner than almost anything else you see on TV.

It's hard to describe how endearingly adorable and funny and just plain loveable this show is.

It's like Romantic Pie (with Ice Cream!) for the soul.

It basically goes like this, there's this pie maker who has an uncanny ability to raise people from the dead. But they can only be alive for one minute before something else has to die. What's more, if the person he touches back to life gets a second touch from him, they're dead...again...for good. And so it turns out that his childhood sweet heart gets murdered and he brings her back to life. They pretty much fall head over heels for each other and so he can't bear to put her back to sleep. Which means that they can never touch even though they're madly in love with each other.

Oy! I can almost hear the sappiness running like a faucet! =]

I love this show!

Heres a good review from Amazon.com:

Pushing Daisies is many things at once: detective show, romantic comedy, whimsical fantasy and above all, a story about a guy who bakes pies and has the ability to bring dead people back to life. Somehow all of these things come together to make one of the most enjoyable, funny and bittersweet shows to come along in a long time. A lot of that magic comes from the near-perfect casting - Lee Pace (The Fall, Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day) as Ned the Piemaker is wonderfully reserved and adorably neurotic; his facial expressions alone provide some of the most moving and hilarious moments in the series. Anna Friel as Charlotte "Chuck" Charles, Chi McBride as Emerson Cod and Kristin Chenoweth as Olive Snook round out the regulars at the Pie Hole and veteran actresses Swoosie Kurtz and Ellen Greene are great as Chuck's eccentric aunts whose passions include synchronized swimming, amateur ornithology and rare cheeses. Pushing Daisies exists in a world where people regularly break out into song to express their feelings, where death is never gory and usually played for comic effect, and where every color on screen is richly saturated and vibrant, creating an oddly timeless Edward Scissorhands-like world.
Bryan Fuller, the creator of cult favorites Dead Like Me and Wonderfalls has perfected his style with Pushing Daisies; this series has a broader appeal than the previous shows. Each imaginatively produced episode has such snappy writing paired with ghoulish sensibilities, heart wrenching romance and classic caper-style crime fighting, making every moment completely un-missable. The DVD release of Season One contains all nine original episodes and a behind-the-scenes featurette. ---Kira Canny

Online Episodes here:

Good Talking and an Arguement

2008-10-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish I could talk more.

Seriously.

This sounds odd for those who know me (my mouth hardly ever stops moving). Allow me to explain.

There are multiple ways of talking.

Talking for the fun of it: Some would call this wit or friendly banter.

Talking for dialectic: The pursuit of Truth through words.

Talking for emptiness: Words to fill the gaps in our lives.

Talking for instruction: "Let him who has ears to hear, hear this"

And then there's

Talking for communication:

This last one, I rarely (if ever) get to do. I think we've all known those times. The worries and cares of life seem to melt into the background and you are brought (drawn perhaps?) into the presence of another Soul. Where even the words seem to be just barely necessary. And I don't mean those awkward silences where the need to say something seems to overpower the importance of anything said. No, I mean the times when "lifetimes burn in a moment" and even the silences between our words have a life to them. How much more would we love people if we could only communicate with them? When the veils of flesh and speech seem all but transparent, ah, there lies an aspect of Beauty. How much more humble we would be if we could but glimpse the glory of another soul created in God's Image?

But today's a Wednesday, life rushes on like a steady stream. Of course, this communication is entirely possible through the dialectic but I find these moments only come when you don't look for them. When everyone in the house is asleep and we two can stare into the dark and the universe is opened. Or on a long drive back from nowhere and the headlamps of a distant car are all that disturbs the moonlit land scape. Miles upon miles of pregnant silence. Solitude embued with deepest knowledge.

"That was a way of putting it - not very satisfactory:
A periphrastic study in a worn-out poetical fashion,
Leaving one still with the intolerable wrestle
With words and meanings..."

So, I wish I could talk more. But (oh, oh) how? Ironically, you can't even seek it.

"Where then, are we to go now?
Why, forward of course.
But which way is up?"

"I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without Love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Whisper of running streams, and winter lightning.
The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstacy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.

You say I am repeating
Something I have said before. I shall say it again.
Shall I say it again? In order to arrive there,
To arrive where you are, to get from where you are not,
You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstacy.
In order to arrive at what you do not know
You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.
In order to possess what you do not possess
You must go by the way of dispossession.
In order to arrive at what you are not
You must go through the way in which you are not.
And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not."

From Ash Wednesday:

"I rejoice that things are as they are and
I renounce that blessed face
And renounce the voice
Because I cannot hope to turn again
Consequently I rejoice, having to construct something
Upon which to rejoice
And pray to God to have mercy upon us
And I pray that I may forget
These matters that with myself I too much discuss
Too much explain
Because I do not hope to turn again
Let these words answer
For what is done, not to be done again
May the judgement not be too heavy upon us."

I think it's safe to say that I like Eliot. ;)

"For us, there is only the trying. The rest is not our business"
...Not the intense moment
Isolated, with no before and after,
But a lifetime burning in every moment...
Love is most nearly itself
When here and now cease to matter.
Old men ought to be explorers
Here and there does not matter
We must be still and still moving
Into another intensity
For a further union, a deeper communion
Through the dark cold and empty desolation
The wave cry, the wind cry, the vast waters
Of the petrel and the porpoise. In my end is my beginning."

"Now in the sixth month the angel Gabriel was sent from God...to a virgin...and the virgin's name was Mary. And coming in, he said to her, 'Greetings, favored one! The Lord is with you.'
But she was very perplexed at this statement, and kept pondering what kind of salutation this was. The angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary; for you have found favor with God.'
'And behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name Him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give Him the throne of His father David; and He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and His kingdom will have no end...For nothing wil be impossible with God.' And Mary said, 'Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word.' And the angel departed from her."

Can someone please tell me why I just quoted all of that?!
I am so, so weird...=P

Good Times, Good Times!

2008-10-08T00:34:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mkegx3WCsc&feature=related

I love Wheatstone!

Silliness in Torrey

2008-10-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

Heh, we can't be serious all the time! Some funny tidbits:

Me: Nooooooooooo! It can't be! No it's true, Disneyland is EVIL!

Mr Buhler: Really?! Why?

Me: Well the classical underworld was called Dis and it's the name of the city in the Inferno. Dis - ney land? Coinkidink? I think not!

Mr. Buhler: *Chuckle* Silly Mr. Choo, Disneyland isn't evil, it actively combats evil. You see, the archaic form of "no" is "nay" and a variant spelling would be "ney". So it's actually Dis - ney land, the land where we defy evil and say "NAY!" to all of Hell.

=]

Mr. Bartel: Guys (Mr. Chavira, Mr. Diaz, me) if an attractive woman came up to you and said, "God told me to become romantically involved with you, would you believe her? What would you say?

Mr. Chavira and Mr. Diaz: ............

Me: "PRAISE GOD!!"

ah....you had to be there. ;)

A Few Questions

2008-09-26T23:24:00.000-07:00

...That have been on my mind for a few months now:

Most of us don't reach perfection by the time we leave this life. At the end, most of us still have some (or many) rough spots, even if we have been saved and granted eternal life through faith in Christ. Now the whole doctrine of sin seems to be based upon the idea that the way things are right now are not the way things should be. Sin is an accident. And because of that sin, we are condemned to eternal death (we'll get into Eschatology in a bit). The Incarnation somehow (and this will probably be my presentation topic, oh Athanasius! You are very wonderful, checkity.) restores us back to a right relation with God. Now whatever else Jesus does in us and for us, I think it is safe to assume that we'll be free from sin. So this is my question(s):

Even if we are saved, we are still imperfect and sinful at the end of our lives. After death, are we automatically restored to perfection and holiness? And if we are, why the agony of this life if God could perfect us instantly? Why don't we go straight to Heaven after we accept the Gospel as true and binding to our lives?

Could this be the justification behind a purgatory? From what I know, the main objection against purgatory came when wicked men decided to play with hell fire and sell indulgences. Obviously, you can't buy salvation or purification (see the Simoniacs).

So to really, really get to the question:

If we are meant to eventually come into the presence of God which will destroy anything sinful, what happens to most of us who die saved but still ravaged/harrased by sin? How are our imperfect natures developed into being able to bear the presence of the Holy God after death?

I want to lean towards purgatory, but I'm confronted with quite a strong protestant reaction against this. Any Eschatological insights out there? Help?

Secondly, Shakespeare is amazing and Twelfth Night brings up some absolutely amazing questions:

How does love conceal and/or reveal identities?

yeah.

Another thing that's been on my mind: Is Love a sub category of Goodness or is Goodness subordinate to Love? And what about Beauty and Truth, I'm not entirely convinced that they categories of Goodness, otherwise, why not just have Goodness? Medival Numerology perhaps?

Lastly, How do we Love rightly? What is Love?

I'd be happy to talk about this...

Community

2008-09-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

Had a great moment today at the Biola Library while running through the aisles of the BR section looking frantically for a book on Athanasius. Maybe it was the too powerful conditioner or just the endless row of books, but I realized something. Reading great literature, discussing great ideas, learning to love. These activities bring me into the company of a great "cloud of witnesses" who have gone before me and my peers. A community of believers who sought to love God and serve Him faithfully with their whole being. "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind."

Musical Narration

2008-09-24T00:58:00.000-07:00

I might have commited musical blasphemy, but I'm not sure if I have or not. When I listened to Rachmaninoff's Symphonic Dances exactly one month ago, here's what I wrote in my journal that evening:

Note: Please forgive the horrible butchery of the grammar and beauty of the english language that is to follow. I make no excuses and beg for mercy. (At this point my head says, "drama queen"...)

I listened to The Symphonic Dances. I experienced an image of Love (First great Theme), Dreadful Fear and Sarcastic flippancy reminiscent of the Joker yet different and understood the wailing torture, fear, and despair of the Inferno. Of the frightening power of Death. (Dies Irae) But then comes the Love, this time in old age, the love of Children and Grandchildren where the passion is still there but tempered and drawn into greater things as a lump of metal is smithed into a (or tempered) into a straight, bright shining and noble blade which is both tranquil and fearsome to behold. And again the cruel spite and massive power of Death. But then, a Hero emerges. Small and weak, (in the flesh) and a fierce and awesome battle ensues with the Good dancing blithely where Death can only bludgeon and mock and frighten. Then the Triumph! Christ is Risen from the dead! For by death He tramples death. Alliluya, Alliluya, Alliluya. there is uncertainty and a bit of apprehension in the parting but never fear. Only love and hope and faith and an affirmation of them all. And suddenly! "Well done thou good and faithful servant, Enter and share Thy master's rest."

The Symphonic Dances was Rachmaninoff’s last work before he died.

Oh it's glorious!

He musically quotes a theme from his first symphony (Rachmaninoff Junkies will recognize how significant that is but for those of us who have not been enlightened here's the story: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachmaninoff), the Dies Irae which I posted about last year: http://choochootrain64.blogspot.com/2007/10/dies-irae.html) and the climax from the most beautiful Choral piece I've ever heard, The Vespers or All-Night Vigil which can be described as Russian Orthodox Aural Ecstacy.

But back to musical heresies. Is it wrong of me to have these images/sensations/feelings in my head and heart when I listen? On one hand I know that music exists for its own sake, yet I also know that music is a language and how else can I understand it but through common human experience? If you look hard enough, you can find the transcripts of one of Rachmaninoff's last interviews before he died. Basically he says that whatever he feels, that is what he tries to communicate through the music whether it be love, fear, sadness, happiness, etc. And so I'm not so sure what to do with my little attempt at Musical Narration.

I think we can safely say that Music still remains fundamentally undescribable through words. Or else it wouldn't really be music.

Go listen to Symphonic Dances. But only after you've heard the Vespers and Dies Irae.

"Blagosloven yesi, Gospodi,
Nauchi mya opravdaniyem Tvoim"

"Blessed art Thou O Lord,
Teach me Thy Statutes"

I recommend these recordings:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dlr90NLDp-0

http://www.amazon.com/Sergei-Rachmaninoff-Vespers-Unaccompanied-Chorus/dp/B000003CV0/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1222245856&sr=8-2

An Epilogue

2008-09-21T20:27:00.000-07:00

Been reading C.S. Lewis' Grief Observed.

Wonderfully refreshing. Really knocks some sense into you.

He talks alot about what we thought to be true being houses of cards when those assumptions are actully put to the test.

After the initial gut reaction though and the first few days of ridiculously ridiculous emotional body slams, you become sane again.

Anything I've ever lost is nothing compared to what Jack lost.

I have a feeling that I'll be coming back to this book quite a few more times before I will be in the position of sympathizing with it.

It's a treasure trove of courage and the fight for sanity against overwhelming odds. It's encouraging.

Not that I have anything comparable to his. Jack's courage shames me in so many ways I don't even know where to start.

Moreover, the sheer patience and goodwill of my friends, I'm astounded! How is it that I (of all people) should have been so blessed?! Perhaps it is born of love...

It's like coming out from the dim half light of a cave into full sunshine. I'm reminded of the last line of the Inferno

"He first and I behind, we climbed so high
that through a small round opening I saw some of the turning beauties of the sky.
And we came out to see, once more, the stars."

And also of Eliot:

"And last, the rending pain of re-enactment
Of all that you have done, and been; the shame
Of motives late revealed, and the awareness
Of things ill done and done to others' harm
Which once you took for exercise of virtue.
Then fools' approval stings, and honour stains.
From wrong to wrong the exasperated spirit
Proceeds, unless restored by that refining fire
Where you must move in measure, like a dancer."

Each end is a beginning.

How great is the Love of God which redeems all our loves!

I owe a great debt to you, my friends. For your love and patience I will ever be grateful.

Blessings and Happiness as you begin your Journey and thank you for indulging my extended farewell.

"And the dashing and handsome hero gets the beautiful lady and they ride quickly towards the sunset and into Happily Ever After."

Roll Credits.

P.S. That was the Sappiest post ever. ;)

Cyrano de Bergerac...

2008-09-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

Was a drama queen. A very good one at that. But reading that last scene is always good cartharsis, even if it is a bit embarassing. It's funny too! =]

Life imitates art and Art imitates life. That's the way things work.

Of course, watching this also helps:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQFs33fWzxo

(Watch at your own risk, this is PG ish for some language and relationship humor)

And this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrnK-qPARYI&feature=related

=] =] =]

These two are my favorite shorts, besides Pixar.

Ahhh, isn't it great being a hormonal teenager? ;)

Taking a Compliment

2008-09-15T17:32:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I'm unique in this area or not. You see, whenever someone praises me for something I've done (genuine praise mind you, not flattery), I redden ever so slightly and mumble something like "erm...thanks" or "praiseGod" or even "no, no it was nothing". After which I shuffle off and try to hide from the next person who looks like they're going to say something nice to me.

Now it's laughable I admit, but I genuinely have trouble taking a compliment. The problem is intensified when someone I respect and hold in high regard praises me. Boy! It get's so bad, "oh, you're just saying that to be nice" etc. In fact, I've been told that I often come across as being falsely humble, which is just a small minded form of pride.

So, as always, Dante and Lewis have something amazing to say about this:

"And when the voice had ceased, and all was still,
I saw four mighty shades approaching us
with neither joy nor sadness in their eyes.

'Behold that shade whose right hand wields the sword,'
my worthy Teacher thus began to say,
'who comes before the others as their lord.

Homer the sovereign poet is that soul.
Horace the satirist comes after him,
Ovid comes third, and Lucan is the last.

...

So did I see united that sweet school
of the lord of the most exalted song
that like an eagle soars above the rest.

When they had talked together for a while
they turned to me, and beckoned me to come,
bringing a smile unto my Teacher's lips,

And greeted me, and honored me so well
that they included me among their band,
and made me sixth in that academy."

-Dante, Inferno, Canto Four

Keep in mind that when he writes this, he doesn't know for sure that 700 years from when he's writing he'll still be considered one of the greatest if not the greatest poet of all time. For anyone but Dante, this blatant self praise would be at best ridiculous and at worst falsely prideful. This is but the first of many instances throughout the Comedy where he basically praises himself. But he deserves it! But he's only in Canto Four! How does he have the guts (Even if he is DANTE) to compare himself with Virgil and Homer!

Dante is certainly worthy of the praise he gives himself, but how was he able to praise himself without sinning?

Contrast that passage with this one from Clement I:

"The humble person should not testify to his own humility, but leave it to someone else to testify about him. " -38:2

"Let a man be faithful, let him be able to expound knowledge, let him be wise in the interpretation of discourses, let him be energetic in deeds, let him be pure; for the greater he seems to be, the more he ought to be humble, and the more he ought to seek the common advantage of all, and not his own." -48:5-6

Dante fulfills all of these, but I'm not sure if he makes a mistake in praising himself, if he is praising himself.

In Purgatory, on the ring of the prideful where the penitent are stooped under huge boulders, Dante also stoops down in order to talk to them. In effect, he participates in the penitence. I think he does this two other times, but I shall have to re-read to be sure. The fact is though, that he knew he had leanings toward being pride ful and yet he included himself in the "Academy". Can a virtuous man praise himself?

Now that I think of it, Paul does the same thing:

http://www.biblegateway.com/keyword/?search=follow%20my%20example%20&version1=49&searchtype=all&spanbegin=52&spanend=73

But I'm not Paul or Dante, how should I take a compliment?

Here's one from Lewis:

"I suddenly remembered that no one can enter heaven except as a child; and nothing is so obvious in a child - not in a conceited child, but in a good child - as its great and undisguised pleasure in being praised...Apparently what I had mistaken for humility had, all these years, prevented me from understanding what is in fact the humblest, the most childlike, the most creaturely of pleasures - nay, the specific pleasure of the inferior: the pleasure of a beast before men, a child before its fathe, a pupil before his teacher, a creature before its Creator. I am not forgetting how horribly this most innocent desire is parodied in our human ambitions, or how very quickly, in my own experience, the lawful pleasure of praise from those whom it was my duty to please turns into the deadly poison of self-admiration. But I thought I could detect a moment - a very, very short moment - before this happened, during which the satisfaction of having pleased those whom I rightly loved and rightly feared was pure."

-C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

I do feel much much pleasure when I am complimented (or as MKR would say, "my ego is stroked" ) But try as I might, I rarely am able to hold on to that first moment of pure satisfaction of having pleased another soul. Which sends me careening to the other extreme of trying to reject praise, which is a problem.

So the question is, how does one take a compliment in a way that glorifies God and allows one to rightly take joy in having pleased someone by good action?

Perhaps I am being too anxious...

Sun Soaked Soul

2008-09-14T01:16:00.000-07:00

Think of this post as a stream-of-consciousness piece...written at some ungodly hour on a Saturday night.

Okay, I don't remember what exactly he said, but somewhere in "The Joy of Music" Bernstien says that Bach slowly but surely becomes your favorite composer. I think that's true.

Rach and Bach. =]

There was this one moment when I was listening to Rach's 2nd Symphony where I had to go, "STOP! Too...much...beauty...aaghhhhh."

Bach, though, is so permeated with beauty, it's like the sun. He gets in all the cracks of my small little soul and warms every nook and cranny of me. He loved God so much, and it shows! Everything comes together when you listen to Bach.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFdbQtu2A4Q

And so after all this CM panel preparation is over (sometime next year). I want to start on Rachmaninoff's transcription of Bach's Violin Partita No. 3. I own a set of his complete recordings and his performance of that particular piece is shot through with such joy and wonder its...its....*happy sigh*. But of course, tomorrow is another day...of work...which means just sticking to it and getting all those fingerings right for the Rach piece and treating Annabelle like a raw machine. There's no other way for me (at least for now). Anytime I try to lay myself into the music, my fingers aren't ready yet. ;) I've also been banned from reading "The Art of Piano Playing".

Enthusiasm must be coupled with action. Good, True and gritty action. haha! Music takes hard work and to shrink from that and be lazy would be acting in a manner that is unworthy of the beauty that comes through it. Strive. Excellence.

I ramble so much....

Take ten minutes off, and listen to the Bach piece on the link above. Don't do anything else. Just listen and watch. And pray. =]

Let's keep praying for one another, always.

I'm decidedly terrible at describing music. =P